Rebuilding a Life
by catwjl
Summary: Sequel to Dark Lord's Consort. After twelve years as Mordor's Ruling Consort Aragorn returns home to rebuild his life
1. prologue

A/N Sorry about the delay in getting this out writer's block and real life interfered. This is the sequal to Dark Lord's Consort and while it is not necessary to have read that one to understand this story it will help. A brief backstory: to save his brother's and Legolas' life Aragorn agreed to become Sauron's consort and held the position for twelve years before betrayal caused Sauron to release him. This story deals with the reactions of himself, his friends, and family as he tries to rebuild his life. A warning, not all the characters are going to react favorably, initially or even later, some will change for the good and some for the bad. Some characters may seem out of character but I hope not too far. This stories revolves around people who care about and love each other deeply, and reactions are not always logical. I do not dislike any of the characters and do not intend to villianize any, even if it may appear that way. As always I do not own LOTR and am making no money from this. Enjoy and any and all feedback is welcome and hoped for.

With a lightness of heart he had not felt in long years Aragorn stepped off of Caradhas. He was home. The knowledge was inargueable. The dull, almost unfelt pain he had learned to live with during his self-enforced abandonment vanished. Even the newer, blazing pain that threatened to destory him faded for a glorious moment and when it returned it was more controllable. But where should he go now? The decision he had put off during his entire journey from Mordor now had to be made. Automatically his eyes went to the distance where hidden Rivendell lay and beyond that to the Angle. No, he decided after a moment. He was not strong enough at the moment to face the rejection that would more than likely be his. Maybe once he had recovered more of himself he could find the strength to travel those paths. Deep inside he hated the cowardice of that decision but knew he had no choice. At the moment it took everything he had simply to hold himself together.  
  
Slowly sinking down to lean against a convenient tree he closed his eyes to drink in the sounds, smells, and feel of Eriador, of his long missed home. Here he could again find himself and his inner balance. But how? Opening his eyes he rose to stare out over the wilds he had protected for so long. For the first time in his life he could choose his own way, unbound by inherited blood duty. His eyes lovingly scanned the forests and plans of Eriador, his memory filling in details his eyes were not sharp enough to see.  
  
Once more his future fell into place. He could still protect his people. Satisfied he started deeper into the North. It was not a cure, but he had taken his first step toward rebuilding his life.

* * *

This was not good, Halbarad, acting chieftain of the Dunedain of Arnor told himself. The warg pack was larger than expected and just kept coming. Dismayed he saw two wargs converging on him. There was no way he could evade them both. Quickly he brought His sword up and decapitated the closest and turned to face the other, instinctively knowing that he was too late. He had only just pulled his sword free with the warg inches from his throat when an arrow took the animal in its throat, killing it instantly. Already throwing himself back into the battle Halbarad chanced a quick look at the thicket where the arrow had come from. With a heart suddenly lighter than it had been in years he could not help but smile: he knew who their saviour was. He continued to shoot arrows with deadly accuracy and turned the tide of the battle. When the battle finally ended Halbarad turned to the thicket where the final arrows had come from, afraid he would again vanish. "My Lord, please do not leave."  
  
At his words the clearing went still. For several long minutes none of the Dunedain moved, staring anxiously, and hopefully, into the surrounding thicket. "I am here," a low, still familiar voice spoke from behind him.  
  
As one the rangers turned. Halbarad quickly cut through the men to embrace his cousin, but stopped short when Aragorn seemed to flinch away. He settled for a warm smile instead. "It is good to see you again. We have been hoping to come across you." Aware of the rest of the rangers gathering around them Halbarad took a good look at his chieftain. Outwardly he seemed to have changed little: he had a few more gray hairs and his hair was shorter. The real difference was internal. Halbarad could sense that a part of him was closed off. The internal peace that he had always shown was still there, but had somehow been disrupted. But his fear of power that he had always kept well hidden from all but those that knew him best was gone.  
  
"My Lord," one of the younger rangers asked. "What are your orders?  
  
Aragorn blinked twice and glanced questioningly at Halbarad.  
  
"When word reached us that you had been freed and tales of deeds of protection began to circulate I recognized your imprint on many of the acts. We took a vote and decided that you are still our chieftain."  
  
Swallowing hard in disbelief Aragorn looked at each man in turn. The absolute trust and belief he saw caught him completely off-guard and filled him with a warmth he had not felt in more than a decade and a half. "But I was-"  
  
"-Sauron's consort," Halbarad finished. "We know and we also know why. We know too that you did not betray us. If you had we, or at least our families, would be dead. Some did have doubts in the beginning, but your acts since returning to the North have laid those to rest. And the fact that you did not seek us out to reclaim the power of your birthright laid the remaining few fears to rest." He reached out a hand and laid it on Aragorn's cloak where a ranger wore his star. He could feel the hidden star but quickly pulled his hand away when Aragorn flinched at the contact.  
  
Aragorn was silent a moment, looking from man to man before turning his eyes toward the distant Angle. "If you are sure." His eyes caught Halbarad's. "In my heart I never forgot who I am." He took a deep breath and slowly released it. "You had better catch me up on recent events and anything else I should know."

* * *

Carefully hiding his nervousness Aragorn walked with Halbarad into the Angle. In the almost six months since he had been resumed leading the rangers he had not found a reason to return. Although to himself he admitted it had been as much about his nervousness about his acceptance than being to busy. This cowardice within him was not somwthing he was comfortable with, but it was also something he could not easily rid himself of.  
  
"Aragorn!"  
  
"You're back!"  
  
Several glad cries rang out and he was soon surrounded by his people. His relief quickly turned to uneasiness as he was hemmed in and hugged. The uninvited physical contact almost caused him to lose control and lash out. Fightin to keep his panic at bay Aragorn hurriedly excused himself and walked into the house that had been his mothers. Leaning on the table he closed his eyes and focused on steadying his breathing. He could almost feel rough hands, that had once been tender, grabbing him, feel his hands being bound. NO! Pushing away from the table he leaned into the wall. He would not let it rule him. He was home, he was safe. He was home, he was safe, silently he repeated the mantra to himself as his breathing slowed. As calmness returned he sensed a presence behind him. Taking a final deep breath he turned to face Halbarad. "Sorry, more people than I am used to."  
  
Halbarad took a couple of more steps into the room, watching his friend closely. "There was a time when you trusted me."  
  
Aragorn's eyes, always older than his years but now haunted by pain he kept hidden, locked with his. "I still trust you."  
  
"Then tell me what is wrong." He took a couple of determined steps forward and did not miss the fact that Aragorn took an involuntary step back before stopping himself. "I want to help."  
  
With a sad smile Aragorn turned to look out the window. "There is nothing you can do. It is something I just need to deal with."  
  
Walking up behind his chieftain but careful not to touch. Halbarad joined him in looking out at their people. "We-I am here for you."  
  
"I know. And that means more than you will ever know." Companionably silent they watched the everyday activities they fought every day to allow people to do. "This is what gets me through. It is what has always gotten me through."  
  
"Our lives are never lost or wasted as long as our people and line live."  
  
Allowing the love and acceptance to fill him and chase the last vestiges of nightmare Aragorn nodded. "Let's go join them."  
  
At the door Halbarad stopped. "I am here if you need me."  
  
Turning to face him and placing a hand on his shoulder, the first physical contact Hlabarad had seen his chieftain make since returning, Aragorn again caught his eyes. "Thank you." Turning he walked out into the daylight to be greeted more sedately by his people.

* * *

Pulling his hood further over his head Aragorn stepped into the Prancing Pony. He had not been here since returing North more than five years ago. He did not really want to be here now. Despite retaking his position as chieftain of the rangers he had not taken to renewing his old haunts. For the most part he stayed in the wild, istening in on pertinent conversations from the anonymity of the street or concealment of the woods. He chose not think about why he stayed away from crowds whenever possible. At the door he stopped and swallowed hard, bracing himself. The common room was crowded with people. In the far corner he spotted an old man in dirty gray robes and a pointed hat. The far-side of the room. Taking a deep breath he began to ease his way through the crowd. Not for the first time since returning he was glad most people feared rangers and wanted nothing to do with them. A path automatically cleared for him and he did not need to worry about being accidentally grabbed or bumped into. He had learned the hard way that casual touches, especially ones he was unprepared for caused a bad reaction. At last he reached the table and sat in the open chair. At least it was the one in the corner. "Hello, Gandalf."  
  
The wizard sat back, eyeing the human. This was the first time he had crossed paths with the heir of Isildur since he had returned. For a few moments he just watched the human. Since his return none of the White Council except Galadriel had seen him and she had refused to say anything about changes in him, simply stating that they needed to see and judge for themselves. Aragorn's eyes met his without flinching. Gandalf smiled at his old friend. He was changed, but his core of goodness remained, perhaps even stronger than before. On the edge of his awarenes he sensed something. It was power and belief in the light. A subtle shift from the man across from him pulled Gandalf out of his thoughts. Aragorn was uncomfortable. The feelings were well hidden, but they were there. Briefly the Istari wondered what was causing the unease. "I am sorry I have not seen you before."  
  
Aragorn shrugged, eyes continuously scanning the room. "It was to be expected. What do you need me for?"  
  
Not sure how to translate his tone of voice Gandalf decided to get right to the matter at hand. "I think I know where the One Ring is."  
  
Every muscle in his body tensing Aragorn leaned forward. "Tell me you are joking." To the ranger's dismay the desperation he felt showed in his voice. If the One Ring was found- The horror of what would happen if Sauron retook the ring almost overwhelmed him. Closing his eyes he swallowed hard. "What do you want me to do?"  
  
Gandalf cocked his head. "You do not want to know where it is?"  
  
Trying to hide his annoyance at the question Aragorn shook his head. "As long as Sauron does not have it I do not care. But since you called me here you obviously need my help with something. Otherwise you would have followed the custom of contacting one of my rangers."  
  
"Aragorn I-"  
  
The chieftain of the rangers held up a hand to stop the apology before it could be formed. "I understand and accept the reasons. It is the price I knew I would pay when I remained in Mordor. It is enough that my people still believe in me. Now what do you need my help with?"  
  
Deciding to leave the issue of trust for now Gandalf made a note to himself to bring it up at a more convenient time. "I need to find and capture the creature known as Gollum."  
  
Understanding lit Aragorn's eyes. "Bilbo's story?"  
  
The guess caught Gandalf off-guard for a moment. While he knew the child Estel had developed a deep friendship with Bilbo he had never known the human child had heard the whole story of the hobbit's journey. Although knowing the child Aragorn had been he should not be surprised. "Possibly. The last sign I had of him he was heading toward Mordor."  
  
"If Sauron finds him and learns the truth-"Aragorn left that though unfinished. Fear and horror almost overwhelmed him again. "I will leave first thing in the morning."  
  
Aware of the uneasiness in the usually even tone Gandalf tried to see him clearer, but the hood foiled him. "Are you able for this?  
  
Eyes distant Aragorn shrugged. "If he is heading to Mordor nobody knows the terrain better than me and nobody knows better than me what will happen if Sauron regains the One." With a quick shake of his head he caught Gandalf's eyes. "Am I to go alone?"  
  
Something in Aragorn's tone stopped Gandalf before he could answer. Quickly reviewing Aragorn's words and actions since he had sat down Gandalf changed his mind about his answer. "I had thought to go with you, but I think that will just make it more dangerous."  
  
More relaxed than he had been since entering the Prancing Pony Aragorn nodded and leaned back in his seat. "Where do you wish me to bring him once I catch him?"  
  
"Mirkwood."  
  
Raising an eyebrow Aragorn slumped slightly in his chair. "That might not be the best idea. It is doubtful I will be allowed within the city." For a moment the pain of his former best friend's rejection shown in his eyes before his usual impassive mask slid back into place. "You know how Legolas feels."  
  
"The arrangements have already been made with King Thranduril. It is known that you will most likely make the delivery. As for Leg-"  
  
Aragorn held up a hand to stop him. "I do not need any explanations. As I said before my choice was made with full knowledge of the consequances of my actions. Neither Legolas or my family can be blamed for their feelings."  
  
"Elrond?" Gandalf repeated in surprise. From what he recalled the elven lord had been heartbroken but understanding of Aragorn's decision and almost desperate to see his youngest son once it was know he had returned to the North.  
  
Slowly Aragorn nodded, expressionless mask firmly in place. "Several months after rejoining the rangers I found the courage to seek out my family. I was denied access to Rivendell." While his voice remained even it was impossible to miss the pain caused by that rejection. After a moment he shrugged with a lightness he clearly did not feel. "And since Legolas has made his opinion well known to any and all rangers he comes across I saw no need to force my unwelcome presence on them. I can be content with the knowledge that they are alive and free."  
  
Knowing, and regretting, that he had no words of comfort to give Gandalf said nothing. The sad truth was he believed Aragorn. Isildur's heir had learned early to see the consequances, good and bad, of his actions. But that knowledge had never stopped him from making the best decision for the rest of Middle-Earth. "I think it might be a good idea to seek out Elrond again."  
  
Aragorn shook his head. "I do not have the strength to face another rejection." He rose to his feet. "I had better go if I want to get word to Halbarad and still leave in the morning."  
  
Gandalf rose as well. He did not want Aragorn to leave yet. The Istari was surprised by how good it felt to simply sit and be with Aragorn. He had not realized just how much he had missed his friend. "Why don't you stay here the night? I am sure Butterbur has rooms available."  
  
Only because he was watching closely did Gandalf catch the brief flare of panic in Aragorn's eyes before they shuttered again. What had happened to him? "No thank you." His voice was perfectly calm and in control. "I will send word."  
  
In reply Gandalf nodded and sat back down. "Good luck and thank you."  
  
Moving with almost elven grace Aragorn slid out of the common room, once again careful to avoid physical contact with anyone. Lighting his pipe Gandalf watched the ranger's departure. He would send word to Elrond. Something was bothering Aragorn, something that he had not yet dealt with or shared. His mind still replaying the conversation Gandalf went to his room. The events that had been set into action nearly twenty years ago had not finished playing out yet.

* * *

Memories all but overpowering him Aragorn stood at the edge of the Dead Marshes. It had been remarkably easy to get here. No one in the military thought anyone would enter Mordor unless they wanted to join Sauron and none would be foolish enough to try to make their way through the maze that was the Emyn Muil. As long as he was in the dead marshes he did not have to worry about patrols. The creatures of Mordor were as uncomfortable with the ancient battlefield and its dead as those on the side of light were. Closing his eyes he worked on centering himself. Memories were the last thing he needed to focus on. He needed to find Gollum and get out of Mordor. The sooner the better. Resolutely he sought the faint trail that he had found and lost several times in the last months. All he wanted to do was go home.  
  
Home. The word resonated in his mind in a way he had never thought possible. It also hurt. Probably because he no longer had a true home. He was always welcome in the Angle but had never spent enough time there for it to truly feel like home. Then there was his childhood home, the only place he had ever felt truly at home, Rivendell. Even thinking about the banishment hurt. The pain was almost as bad as what Sauron- quickly his mind shied away from that last thought. With a quick shake of his head Aragorn crouched down to seek the elusive trail. He was actually lucky the Dunedain accepted him back so completely. While a few had been uncomfortable with him in the beginning that had faded in the first year. Releasing a deep breath he forced those thoughts aside, stubbornly not acknowledging how good he had gotten at that since leaving Mordor. For now he needed to focus on Gollum. He would deal with home and Mirkwood then.

* * *

By force of habit Aragorn ignored the hateful mumbling creature that trailed sullenly behind him on the end of the leash as he traced the nearly hidden path that led to the elven kingdom of Mirkwood. While he had not seen any elves he knew they were trailing him. It might still be a couple of miles before he reached the borders of King Thranduril's realm but in these dark days patrols would be wandering farther into Mirkwook, attempting to keep the danger as far from home as possible. Realizing he could delay no longer Aragorn whistled a greeting. Then he prepared himself to wait. While Gandalf had arranged for him to bring Gollum here that had been nearly three years ago. That coupled with the fact that the youngest prince of the realm hated him added to the distrust that was increased by his time in Mordor. Put together that told him that this meeting was going to be very uncomfortable.  
  
"So the Betrayer has decided to honor Mirkwood with his presence."  
  
Straightening Aragorn turned to face the elven patrol that had answered his greeting. Twelve elves, all with bows out. Idly he wondered if they would really kill him. "I betrayed no one," he stated calmly. He left it at that. Shortly after returning North he had learned that people who knew where he had been either believed him or did not. What he said made little difference. He would not spend the rest of his life apologizing or justifying his decisions. But pain did lash through him as he locked eyes with his former best friend. Despite the fact that he had expected it the ferocity and depths of Legolas' hatred cut him deeply. Legolas locked eyes with him in a hard glare that Aragorn refused to look away from. He would not cower or run from the decision he had made. If he had it to do again, knowing the consequances, he would not change it.  
  
Legolas spoke after several minutes, not breaking eye contact. "King Thranduril wishes to speak with you. I am sending two guards as well."  
  
Not liking the level of tension Aragorn nodded easy agreement. "If you would prefer I will turn Gollum over to you and not step within the Woodland Realm proper," he offered.  
  
"No." Legolas looked away and back toward the palace. "My father's orders were very explicit. He wants to speak with you personally." Without another word he signaled to two of him men and then he and the others vanished silently back into the forest.  
  
The two day walk to reach the center of Thranduril's realm was one of the longest that Aragorn could remember taking. The hatred and distrust was fairly radiating off the two elves that were escorting him. It was also slightly disconcerting to see how close they kept their hands to their weapons. As they neared Mirkwood's palace Aragorn noticed a distinct lessening of the violent emotions swirling around him. It had been a slow but steady decrease that Aragorn suddenly realized had nothing to do with nearing their home. As the tension eased to almost nothing Aragorn glanced down at his left wrist. With effort he tamped down on the strength of his emotion. He could not believe how close he had allowed himself to come to losing control in his desire to ease the violent emotions. Carefully he reached out to touch the surface thoughts of the two elves, neither of whom had bothered to introduce themselves. Both appeared consciously oblivious to the calm he was emanating. At least he was not able to alter a person's thoughts. That was one temptation he did not have to worry about. He could still remember the horror he had felt during the intense council session when he could feel those around him getting ready to explode in violence when he suddenly realized the reason there had been no physical violence was because he was leaning into the bracelet and exuding a calm that could not be ignored. Shaken more than he had cared to admit he spent the rest of the session testing the strength of this ability. His fear had calmed somewhat once he discovered that he was not changing their thoughts but instead causing a reluctance to do violence. The ability was more empathic than telepathic. Cautious testing over the next several months had shown him the limits of this power. But it was not something he was comfortable with. Forcefully he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and prepared himself for his meeting with the elven king. Thranduril had never been fond of him, actually of humans in general, so he could not understand why he wanted to see him. Mentally bracing himself he stepped into the heart pf the woodland realm, feeling his soul lighten as the healing power of the elves reached out to him, reinforcing his sense of self. 


	2. 1

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR and am making no money. A/N: The remainder of this story takes place during the LOTR books. I am not going to rewrite the entire story so in the beginning it will probably jump, if I did not write anything about a section you can assume it happened as Tolkien originally wrote it. As the story goes on it will get more AU.  
  
Gratefully handing off Gollum Aragorn strode into the throne room of Mirkwood palace. King Thranduril was seated on his throne surrounded by courtiers. "My Lord," he bowed his head respectfully.  
  
"Leave us."  
  
Aragorn raised his head in surprise at the order. It was only moments before the room cleared although the ranger was all to aware of the distrustful looks being sent his way. Not sure what to expect Aragorn watched, silent and still as Thranduril rose and walked over to him. "My Lord?" he questioned, never before had the elven king approached him or saw him alone. His dislike of humans, actually of anything non-elven, was well known.  
  
Taking a deep breath Thranduril locked eyes with him. "I wish to thank you."  
  
"Thank me?" For one of the few times in his life he found himself caught completely off-guard.  
  
Thranduril gave him a small smile, the friendliest expression the elven king had ever given him. "For my son's life and sanity. For a human you have an almost elven sense of honor and loyalty so I know it could not have been easy to stay in Mordor. You did it for my son, that is a debt I can never repay. I shudder th think what would have become of Legolas if he had remained in Mordor. I may not agree with what you did once the decision was made, but I can accept it. If you need help, you may come to me. Unfortunately I do not think you should come to Mirkwood unless it is necessary."  
  
"It was the only thing I could do. There is no need for thanks. I would suffer any fate not to have the torture and death of my brother's and best fr- Legolas on my head."  
  
Thranduril started to reach out to him but something stopped him at the last moment and he settled for words. "Do not judge my son too harshly."  
  
Closing his eyes for a moment Aragorn turned and walked to the balcony over looking Mirkwood. "I do not judge him at all. He, and all others in the North, have the right to doubt me. To doubt what I have become."  
  
After a moment's hesitation Thranduril walked forward and laid a hand on the ranger's shoulder. Aragorn stiffened but did not pull away. "No. Yes you spent years in the land of darkness but any, any elves, who take the time to look close can see that you were not tainted by the darkness. If anything you glow more with light now than before. But that is not what I mean. Legolas is hurt within."  
  
"I will not force my presence on him" Slowly he turned to meet the elven king's eyes. "I do not have that strength. I am here if he wished to talk," he snorted cynically, "or even to tell me off. But I will not make the first move when it has been made clear that I am not wanted or trusted." Forcing himself to dismiss the painful topic Aragorn turned his attention to easier matters. "I have left word for Gandalf that I have brought Gollum to your care. If there is nothing else I have been nearly a year away and have much to catch up on."  
  
Thranduril nodded his head sadly. "You may go."  
  
Unusually agitated Aragorn paced the length of the ranger camp set-up just out of view of the Brandywine bridge at the border of the shire. "They should have left already. Gandalf should have returned but even without him they should have left." A shudder rippled through him as he felt the evil growing closer. Turning he locked eyes with a silent Halbarad. "The ringwraiths are coming. If they do not get out soon they will not get out at all and Middle-Earth will fall to darkness."  
  
"What more can we do?" Halbarad asked from his seat by the fire. "Gandalf asked us to watch and protect the Shire, no more."  
  
Forcing calm on himself Aragorn sank down in front of the fire, opposite Halbarad, burying his face in his hands and releasing a frustrated breath. Slowly he raised his eyes to lock with Halbarad's. "If he does not leave soon we will have to interfere."  
  
Shocked Halbarad searched his chieftains eyes. "Gandalf asked us simply to watch and protect."  
  
"I know." Aragorn's eyes once again scanned the darkness beyond the river. "But he should have arrived by now. I will not allow Sauron to regain the One Ring because me and mine would not act." The eyes that turned back and caught Halbarad's were full of a fire the second-in-command of the Dunedain seldom saw any more. "This is so much more than just us. The Ring must be kept from Sauron. It has to be."  
  
Halbarad forced himself not to look away. "We won't," he promised.  
  
Suddenly stiffening Aragorn turned toward the Brandywine bridge, head cocked. "Finally." He abruptly straightened, eyes going hard and cold. "They are not alone. Go get the others, follow the hobbits try and guide them along safe routes." As he spoke Aragorn was already tightening his weapons.  
  
"What are you doing?" Halbarad asked.  
  
Aragorn's eyes locked with his. "Distracting their pursuers."  
  
"But-"  
  
Aragorn cut off his protest before he could even begin. "I know how they work. None of the rest of you have a chance."  
  
"And you do?"  
  
The eyes that turned to Halbarad's were older than Halbarad had seen before. "Yes." Then he was gone, fading into the shadows as he watched. For a moment more Halbarad was still. Then he forced himself to turn and relay his chieftain's orders. Aragorn knew what he was doing. The one thing Halbarad trusted was his friend. "Let's go," her ordered, determinedly not looking for Aragorn. He would do what had to be done.  
  
Once he was far enough from the ranger's camp Aragorn stopped and forced himself to focus on the evil that had once guarded him. His stomach turned as he focused on his bracelet and sent out rays of darkness. This was a skill he had hoped never to have to use again. Against his will his mind shot back to the years in Mordor when he had perfected this skill. Too many creatures in the dark realm could sense his innate light that the bracelet emphasized. It had been purely self-defense and a tiredness of being attacked first that had caused him to learn to mask himself. He still was not sure why he had taught himself to project an air similiar to Sauron's. Only that he felt that it was something he had to do. Determinedly he turned his mind back to the matter at hand. He had to pull the ringwraiths to him. Closing his eyes he carefully tucked his essence away and masked himself.  
  
With a heartfelt sigh of relief Frodo sank into a chair in the Prancing Pony's common room. Even though Gandalf was not present and he was still scared, the hobbit felt safer than he had in a long time. They had made it this far. And Gandalf would come. The wizard would not let them down. He could not. So, content that he had done all he could for now and not yet ready to face the fear that had settled deep into the pit of his stomach Frodo made himself settle back to enjoy his ale. Pippin was already deep in his cups, totally at ease while Sam was looking around suspicously. He nodded over Frodo's shoulder. "That man has not stopped watching you since we arrived."  
  
In the act of turning to order more ale Frodo glanced behind him. The figure Sam had gestured at was seated deep in the shadows, wearing his cloak with the hood up even in the warmth of the common room. Frodo had to force his eyes away. Something about the stranger drew him, told him that he should trust. But another part wanted to destroy him or run as fast as he could. Frodo turned away, trying to focus on Merry's storytelling but he was still aware of the stranger. He suppressed a shudder as he seemed to fight with himself. No, he realized suddenly, he fought with the Ring. Now he just had to be sure which side was him and which side was the ring.  
  
Sitting across the small campfire that Strider allowed Frodo watched the ranger closely. Even after more than a week of travelling the man was still a complete mystery to him. He guided them and protected them, but said little about himself or anything else. To his surprise Frodo found that he trusted the ranger totally. Seeing the minute tensing the hobbit decided to speak up about his doubts. "They are getting closer, aren't they?"  
  
For a brief moment surprise shown in Strider's eyes before they shuttered. "Yes. You can feel them."  
  
It was statment, not a question , but Frodo nodded anyway. "Not precisely, but I can feel something that gives me chills getting nearer." He was silent a moment, biting his lip indecisively. "They will catch us, won't they?"  
  
With no hesitation Strider nodded. "Hopefully we can stay far enough ahead of them for me to get you into Rivendell safely."  
  
Something in the ranger's words disturbed Frodo. "Get us to Rivendell?" he repeated. "What about you?"  
  
Strider's eyes returned to scanning the surrounding woods, but there was a slump in his shoulders that Frodo had not seen before. "I most likely will not be able to accompany you into Rivendell."  
  
"Why? From what Bilbo said Rivendell is open to-"  
  
With a sad half smile Stider interruped him. "Not to me." His eyes met Frodo's and he moved over to sit beside the hobbit. "It is time I told you the truth about me." He glanced at the other three hobbits, but Frodo could have already told him they were asleep. Merry and Pippin dropped off almost immediately after they laid down every night and Sam had been trying to keep his own watch at night and was exhausted. "You sense something different in me."  
  
Unable to help himself Frodo played with the Ring in his pocket.  
  
"The more you play with it the more pull it will have on you."  
  
Guiltily Frodo pulled his hand from his pocket. "How did you?"  
  
For a moment the ranger's half smile widened before fading completely. "As you can sense me, I sense it. Plus you get a far away look when you feel the call."  
  
"Does it call to you?"  
  
"No." There was no hesitation or doubt in his words or eyes. "It repels me, but then again I know better than most what will happen if Sauron regains his ring."  
  
"Your voice is different from Gandalf's when you talk about the Dark Lord. I do not know what it is but-"  
  
Slowly Strider nodded. "I know Sauron." For a moment he was silent, gathering his thoughts. "I am going to ask you to listen to all I have to say, then I will answer any questions you have and we can discuss what will happen from now." For a moment he was silent. "That poem Gandalf left in his letter was written about me. I am the heir of Isildur, my father was killed in an orc raid when I was barely two. I was taken to Rivendell with my mother and raised as Lord Elrond's son. I was twenty before I was told my lineage. The next several decades I spent learning about my people and figthing against Sauron. Then," here he hesitated, taking a deep breath as pain flashed briefly across his face. "I was captured, but Sauron did not want me because I was Isildur's heir, he wanted me. He wanted me as his consort." Strider's eyes closed but Frodo could see the shudder that went through him before he was still again. "To gain my consent he captured Elrond's sons, my brothers and my best friend with the help of a member of the White Council who had betrayed the side of light. In return for their freedom I agreed to become Sauron's consort but under the agreement that I would have nothing to do with the war against the free peoples of Middle-Earth. I held that position for twelve years until Sauron freed me from my word. Once I returned to the North I returned to the rangers and they accepted me, but the elves are not as comfortable doing the same."  
  
Frodo found that he wanted to ask what had happened to Strider while he was in Mordor, but sensed that that would not be forthcoming. Instead he focused on the what he had been told. He knew he should be afraid of Strider, afraid of what he might do, but Frodo could not find the expected feelings of distrust. If Strider had wanted to betray them to the ringwraiths, he already would have. The hobbits would have been easy pickings and Frodo knew he could not have prevented the ranger from taking the Ring if he had truly wanted it. "Thank you for trusting me. I still trust you."  
  
He could see the shock and relief, and a feeling he could not translate in the ranger's eyes. He opened his mouth to speak when suddenly Strider's head shot up, attentively listening, visibly straining all his senses into the night.  
  
Instinctively Frodo moved closer to his protector. "Have they caught us?"  
  
After a few more moments Strider shook his head. "No, but they are getting closer." His eyes scanned the surrounding area in a look Frodo recoginized after a moment as evaluation of the terrain. "I do not think they will attack until we reach Weathertop."  
  
Frodo swallowed hard, looking fearfully into the night. "Shouldn't we go another way then?"  
  
Strider shook his head. "There are advantages we can use there, plus there is no other place that I can think of that would give us any better protection. We can't beat them to Rivendell. They are mounted and we are not. Even if we were we could not keep ahead of them. I can shield the ring somewhat, but not enough."  
  
"And our ultimate destination is pretty much a given," Frodo added dejectedly.  
  
Reassuringly Strider laid a hand on Frodo's shoulder. "I will do everything in my power to protect you. Between now and then I will give you directions and tips on the safest way to get to Rivendell without me."  
  
Frodo's eyes shot to Strider's in disbelief' "Stider-"  
  
Slowly the ranger shook his head. "You have to be prepared. The Ring must be delivered safely to Rivendell."  
  
Reluctantly Frodo nodded. "Teach me."  
  
Three days later they reached Weathertop. Frodo found that the butterflies that had been his stomach's constant companion since his late night talk with Strider had upgraded to large birds, trying desperately to escape. True to his word the ranger had given him directions and tips on how to reach Rivendell and the best way to keep safe. Merry and Sam had listened attentively, although Sam seemed more focused on how best to protect Frodo, Pippin tried to listen, but always seemed to fade away, being easily distracted by other things. As night fell the hobbits huddled closer to the large fire they had built while Strider paced the borders of the ancient watchtower. Anxiously Frodo looked around, the large, overgrown statues seemed to look down on him as the wind blew across him. He was unable to suppress his shudder. All at once Strider was there, sword drawn. "They near." His eyes looked each hobbit in the eye. "Grab the torches, fire is your best defense."  
  
High pitched shrieks that shrivelled what little bravery he had found caused Frodo to grab frantically for a torch as Strider leaped in front of them, sword blocking the lead wraiths initial strike. Then everything moved into super fast speed. Frodo found himself backing away with the other hobbits as Strider spun and kicked and blocked, swinging his torch in counter to his blade. Breathing rapidly Frodo found himself fingering the Ring. He wanted to escape, to run, to be free of this burden. Strider had set two wraiths on fire when one broke past him and headed for the hobbits. The remaining two blocked the rangers attempt to reach them. Sam, Merry, and Pippin were pushed aside and in sheer terror Frodo slid the ring on, and froze completely as he spied the wraiths in their true form. Against his will he started to extend his hand with the Ring toward his tormentor. With a huge effort of will he pulled his hand back and a moment later felt a searing, unbelievable pain in his right shoulder as flames suddenly shot up around him and he fell back, managing to slide the Ring off as he did so. The wraiths were gone, Sam was standing a few feet away from him, panting heavily, his torch nowhere to be seen. "Frodo, are you okay? Mr. Frodo, speak to me. Strider!" he screamed over his shoulder.  
  
The ranger, who had been looking over the edge, using his senses to be sure the ringwraiths were gone glanced over his shoulder and ran over to them, kneeling down beside Frodo and looking at the wound. Quickly searching the ground he spotted the dagger that had been dropped. "Merry, grab your handkerchief and pick up the hilt of this dagger. Do not touch it."  
  
Hesitantly the hobbit did so, holding it out to the ranger. "What is it?"  
  
"A morgul blade," he replied, looking back at Frodo. "Keep the hilt, but do not touch it."  
  
"Why don't you hold it?" Sam demanded.  
  
Strider was digging through his pack. "I dare not. I could interfere with it." Closing his eyes he focused on Frodo, singing softly in elvish before he wrapped the wound with leaves and bandages. "The wound is to deep for me to heal completely. We must get him to Elrond in Rivendell." His gaze turned to the hobbits, evaluating them. "We are going to have to move as fast as possible."  
  
"We can do it," Sam announced.  
  
After a moment's more evaluation Strider nodded. "We must move as far as possible tonight. When we stop to rest we will get rid of all the supplies we can. Let's go." Picking up Frodo he started down the slope.  
  
Biting his lip as his worry grew Sam continued to gently bath Frodo's face with a cool rag. Looking up he spotted Strider gliding back into the clearing. Despite himself the gardner found himself trusting the ranger. In the three days since Frodo had been stabbed Strider had pushed the hobbits mercilessly. Frodo rode the pony and the rest of the gear was split between them, although Sam did acknowledge the Strider carried the most gear and did not push the hobbits beyond their endurance, simply more than they were used to. His eyes once again going to Frodo's pale face and listlessness Sam could not blame the ranger and found himself wishing they could move faster.  
  
"It's time, Sam."  
  
Releasing a breath Sam forced himself to move back from his master. Kneeling beside him Strider sang softly in elvish, bathing Frodo's brow and shoulder wound with the fragrant leaf again then closed his eyes, and placing both hands over the wound, concentrated. Hopefully the hobbit's eyes shot to Frodo. His breathing evened out, but he regained no color and he did not open his eyes. "He is getting worse every night. He is responding less."  
  
Strider nodded, backing out of the way as Sam moved to rebandage the wound with the herbs the ranger had prepared. "I am not strong enough to heal him, he needs Lord Elrond."  
  
"How long before we get there?" Merry asked.  
  
Facing away from the hobbit's Strider checked the packs on the pony. "If we can maintain ths pace, two days."  
  
Something in his tone made Sam look up. "You don't think we will be able to?"  
  
Slowly the ranger shook his head, turning back to them.  
  
"We can keep up," Pippin stated with bravado.  
  
Sam found himself flinching as Strider caught his eyes for a few moments before moving on to Merry and Pippin. Something in the ranger's eyes scared him. "Any delays will have nothing to do with you." Slowly he released a breath, moving closer to them. "The nazguls have regouped and are getting closer. They will catch us by no later tomorrow night."  
  
"How do you know?" Sam could not help the accusion that filled his voice. Fear was all but overwhelming him. Frodo was already hurt, how would they defend him agains the nazgul?  
  
"You defeated them before," Pippin added, terror in his voice. "You can do it again!"  
  
Strider hesitated before he answered, a move that unnerved Sam, the ranger neverhesitated or appeared unsure. "This time they will be ready for me, and they will not split up."  
  
"You act like they know you personally," Sam shot at him, feeling his distrust flood him anew.  
  
"Tell them," Frodo's weak voice carried across the clearing. Sam looked down at his master. His eyes were open, even if they were fever bright. Closing his eyes he visibly gathered himself to look into each of his friend's eyes. "I trust him completely." Then his eyes closed and he slipped into darkness.  
  
For a moment Strider was silent before he started to speak. As he talked Sam found himself hard put not to move away. Pippin had no such limitations and scrabbled backward several feet. Only because he was watching the ranger closely did Sam see the brief flash of pain and weary acceptance Strider was quick to hide at the move. Merry was the on ly hobbit that seemed to easily hold his ground. When he was done no one spoke for several minutes. Only Frodo's words of trust and the sure knowledge that without Strider's guidance they were dead kept Sam still.  
  
It was Merry who broke the uncomfortable silence. "Can you stop them?"  
  
The ranger shrugged. "I have a better chance than most, but there are no guaruntees. They are pure evil with no free will. All they have is their master's will."  
  
"And you are different?" Sam found himself asking.  
  
For a long moment Strider closed his eyes. "I belong to no one accept myself." His eyes locked with Sam's, and the hobbit found himself unable to turn away from the sharp gaze or deny the genuine emotions visible there. "I have never given my true self away." He turned to Pippin, still several feet away. "If I wanted you dead, or to deliver you to the ringwraiths I could have easily done so long ago. I will see you safely to Rivendell."  
  
Not sure what to think Sam accepted that he had no choice. Master Frodo trusted him and without the ranger they would never reach safety. "Can you protect us?"  
  
Strider closed his eyes a moment, taking and releasing a deep breath. "I will do my best. If I tell you to run, you need to obey me immediately. I will show you which way to go."  
  
Sam nodded. "Tell-" He stopped as Strider held up a hand, moving to the edge of their small camp. "What is it?" he whispered as Pippin moved back in next to them.  
  
After a few moment's tense silence Strider relaxed slightly. "Elves," he replied. Striding forward he greeted the tall, blond elf that entered the clearing, clearly relieved to see them. "Glorfindel."  
  
The elf darted forward, tightly embracing the startled ranger. "Estel, it is so good to see you." He stepped back but not far. "What happened?"  
  
"Frodo has been stabbed," Sam cut in. "He is dying."  
  
Strider nodded, visibly pulling himself together after the unexpected greeting. "He needs Lord Elrond, I am not strong enough to heal him."  
  
Glorfindel moved over to the unmoving hobbit. "I have managed to distract the nazgul slightly, but it will not last long." He turned to Frodo "Take Asfaloth and get him to Rivendell."  
  
Puzzled, Strider glanced at the new elf. "I do not think that would be a good idea. I am banned from the elven realm."  
  
Glorfindel's eyes closed in anger. "The rumors are true. You were denied access to Rivendell." Stepping closer he laid a hand on Strider's shoulder. "Your father and brothers have missed you and worried about you. Elrond has watched for your return since you returned North." Seeing the doubt Glorfindel realized nothing he could say would change the ranger's mind. "Go. You can better keep the darkness away than me, and he trusts you."  
  
Strider nodded and quickly mounted. "The others?"  
  
"I will guide them." He caught Strider's eyes. "Your family will welcome you home."  
  
Strider half smiled but said nothing, before turning Asfaloth and racing into the night. He knew it would be a race to see if he could reach Rivendell with Frodo before the nazgul stopped them. They would make it, he vowed. Somehow he would get Frode to safety. Only then would he think about facing his family again. He rode on.  
  
A/N: Again sorry about the delay getting this chapter out. I really am trying to get them out faster. The reviews help to encourage me to write faster since I know people are reading and enjoying this story. 


	3. 2

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR and am making no money

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Feeling the evil creeping up behind him Aragorn kept Asfaloth at a fast run. The menace was trying to take him faster than the ringwraiths horses were reaching them. He had almost forgotten the evil air they could project when they wanted. When guarding him they had tried to tone down their evil as much as possible. In front of him Frodo shuddered., the first move the hobbit had made since they had left the others several hours ago. Shifting the hand holding Frodo's waist Aragorn moved his grip to the shoulder, close to but carefully not touching the knife wound. Allowing a small part of his attention to shift from his escape and evade he leaned into his bracelet and extended healing energy into the hobbit. Time passed mindlessly as exhaustion crept deeper and deeper within his bones. With great relief he realized they had reached the ford of bruinen. Racing the exhausted Asfaloth across he turned to watch as the ringwraihs more hesitantly approached and entered the border of the elven kingdom. Knowing he and Asfaloth had reached the edge of their endurance he waited, knowing if the river did not protect them he would be forced to fight. And against all nine, and this tired, he knew he did not have a chance. He paid no attention to the ringwraith's threats, his ears were straining to hear the sound of water. When the riders had reached the halfway point he heard the welcome rush and a moment later watched the water sweep the black riders away. For the first time in days he breathed a sigh of relief and sagged down on the horse. The elves were protecting them, or at least Frodo.

A gasping breath from Frodo pulled him upright and started the butterflies in his stomach. It was time to go home. Pulling Asfaloth around he headed for Rivendell proper. Feeling the hobbit fading he focused all his energy on reviving him. Very soon he would get to Elrond; he just had to hold Frodo here for a few more minutes. Asfaloth could get them home with no guidance from him.

"Stop, you are not welcome in Rivendell."

For a moment his eyes closed in pain but Aragorn quickly opened them, focusing on the elven guard. He did not rekognize either one. "The hobbit needs Lord Elrond's healing skills. He is expected."

The guard's eyes narrowed but before he could say anything two identical elves rode up. "Estel!" The first on rode up and slid off his horse, and only refrained from pulling Aragorn off when he spotted the hobbit. "Is he okay?"

Barely able to keep his eyes open Aragorn shook his head. "He was stabbed by a morgul blade, he needs Lord Elrond." Closing his eyes he cursed once. "I left the hilt with Merry."

Elrohir glanced over at Elladan, who had not dismounted and was staring at Estel. Emotions were flying across his face almost faster than Elrohir could rekognize them. "Elladan why don't you go get Glorfindel and the other hobbits."

Elladan nodded and rode quickly away. Almost praying his little brother had not caught the byplay Elrohir looked back to Estel. The ranger was staring after Elladan, sorrow lining his face before he visibly pulled himself together. "Let's get you two to Ada."

Aragorn nodded and followed his brother, trying hard not to take in his surroundings. He did not know how long he would be permitted in his childhood home and he did not want the departure to be any more painful than possible. His brother being unable to face him, unable to know what to think of him had hurt more than he had expected. He had thought he was beyond that pain. Frodo began to fade again. Quickly Aragorn extended his energy into Frodo, and found there was almost nothing there. The world began to go black around him.

"Ada!" Elrohir called loudly as they approached the main house.

Lord Elrond hurried out the door, his eyes immediately going to his youngest son. Estel was home! At long last his son had returned home. A moment later he sensed the darkness coming from the hobbit and moved quickly to them. Elrohir was already there, removing him from Estel's suddenly limp body. The elder elf caught him. "Estel?"

"Just tired, take care of Frodo I could not heal him."

Elrond nodded to Elrohir who hurried into the house with Frodo while he supported the almost asleep ranger. "It is good you are home."

Eyes hooded by heavy lids looked at him. "Ada?" the voice was soft and almost pitiful in its soft question. It was a tone Elrond had not heard since Estel was a small boy.

Gently Elrond brushed his youngest son's hair back. "Rest easy, my son. You are home and safe."

"Home," Aragorn breathed, eyes closing as he at long last allowed himself to relax. He did not have to worry about falling, his Ada would catch him.

Heart breaking at the pain Estel had been too tired to hide Elrond lifted his son into his arms and carried him to his childhood room that Elrond had kept cleaned for this day. The day his son would at last come home. Reluctantly Elrond left the room after tucking Estel in. He could feel the darkness encroaching on the hobbit. "Sleep well," he whispered with a last longing look at his son. Duty called. The elven lord hurried down the hall to the sick room. Frodo was visibly fading. "Go to your brother," he ordered Elrohir.

The younger elf nodded gratefully and left the room.

Elrond turned to Frodo. Taking a deep breath he sat down on the side of the bed and reached out, needing to push back the darkness-and was surprised to see the barrier that had already been erected. Sliding past the barrier he shown light into the darkness, now sure he could hold the evil back until he had the blade that had stabbed Frodo and would be able to cure him completely.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sagging back in tired relief Elrond glanced down at his charge. Frodo would be fine. Once he had removed the splinter of morgul blade it had not been too difficult to remove the darkness, Estel's protection had helped greatly by keeping the darkness somewhat in check. As he examined the pale hobbit the elf realized that he would always carry a remnant of the darkness within him. At least he would live. Rising he gave orders to the attending elf and covered Sam, the loyal gardener had fallen into exhausted sleep a few hours ago, and left the room. He needed to check on his sons. The coming days would not be easy on any of them.

Gandalf was waiting for him in the hallway. The wizard's arrival several hours ago had been a great relief. "How is he?"

"He will be fine, just needs rest. Although he will always carry the scar."

Sadly Gandalf nodded, but there was no suprise in his eyes. "How is Aragorn?"

"Sleeping last I saw. I was just on my way to check on him. I am so glad he is finally home. I was starting to fear this day would never come." He stopped outside Estel's room and peeked in. The ranger was curled on his side, sound asleep. Quietly he pulled the door almost all the way closed and led Gandalf into the family sitting room, placed in the center of their rooms. Sinking down onto a chair Elrond leaned his head back. "I had began to fear this day would never come."

"It almost didn't."

Elrohir walked in with Elladan a stop behind him and they sat down on the couch across from the armchairs Elrond and Gandalf were seated in. "When I got to the guard post, the sentries were turning him away."

Elrond's eyes narrowed in an anger few had ever seen in the elven lord, at least since Celebrian had been kidnapped and abused by orcs. "What? I left standing orders that he was to be admitted."

His own eyes dark with unusual anger Elrohir shrugged. "I do not think it was the first time."

Sadness in his eyes Gandalf nodded. "Aragorn told me as much in Bree."

Sorrow overruled the anger in the elven lord. "I had hoped that was not true. He must have been hurt so bad."

Elladan sank down deeper into his chair. Elrohir glanced at him but said nothing. Gandalf watched them both intently. "How do you feel about having your brother home?" the wizard asked softly.

Neither brother answered for a few moments. "I am happy and relieved," Elrohir finally said. "But seeing him so haunted hurts. It makes me feel even more guilty. He gave up so much for us." Wrapping his arms around himself he stared blankly out the window.

"It is not your fault." All four swung around in shock at Aragorn's voice from the door. None had heard him or sensed him. Cautiously the cheiftain if the rangers entered the sitting room, anxiously watching its occupants for sighns of welcome. He stopped just a few paces in. "How is Frodo."

"Recovering. Your protection saved his life," Elrond told him.

His eyes drooping slightly he smiled wearily. "I am glad. And the other hobbits?"

"Glorfindel and Elladan brought them in a couple of hours ago. After a _small_ snack they retired to bed."

Aragorn smiled, thinking of how much food that little snack must have consisted of. Once more he looked around the room. His eyes stopped on Elrohir. "It was my choice to stay in Mordor. Sauron would have had me willing or unwilling. You were simply a means to an end."

Unable to meet his brother's eyes Elrohir shook his head. "If it had not been for our disregard of Ada's advice-"

Stepping forward, eyes shining with a fire he usually kept well hidden Aragorn caught and held his brother's eyes. "There is **_nothing_** you could have done to help me." Closing his eyes he took and released a deep breath. "Once Sauron had me he would not have let me go. He wanted me willingly or no, but his preference was willingly." Opening them he smiled sadly at his brother. "It was perhaps better for me that it was willing."

"You even enjoyed it," Elladan bit out, his voice sharper than he intended.

Sad, but knowing, eyes met those of his eldest brother. "You do not trust me." It was a statement, not a question.

Bracing himself visibly Elladan sat up straighter. "No. I want to, but-"

Aragorn tilted his head slightly, eyeing his brother closer. "You have no reason to. I was Sauron's consort for twelve years."

"And enjoyed it!" Elladan snapped again before sagging back in his chair, hurt emanating from him. "How can you expect us to trust you?"

It was only with great effort that Aragorn restrained himself from going to his brother. His presence would not be welcome. "I did not expect to be. The trust of my rangers was unlooked for and hard to believe." He was silent a moment, deep in thought. At last he looked closer at his brother. "Would you rather I had been tortured and miserable for more than a decade?" he asked but went on before Elladan could answer. "Yes, I did make my peace with the life I had agreed to and found a certain amount of contentment. It was not the life I would have preferred, but then I have never had a choice about my future or what my life would be. This was just a different type of acceptance and I could and did make a difference." His eyes closed and he shuddered slightly before again facing his family. "At least for a while."

Elladan bowed his head and looked away but said nothing.

Elrond, who had listened silently until now, closely watching his youngest stood up. "I would like to speak with Estel alone."

Without another word they filed out, Gandalf stopping to exchange a signifigant look with Elrond before leaving.

Silently the elven lord walked over to his youngest son, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Sit down, Estel." He waved over to the couch the elven twins had just abandoned. Once the ranger had sat down, on the far end, Elrond took the opposite end, correctly reading his son's body language. "Will you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Aragorn asked in a dead voice, staring blankly out the window. "How I betrayed the North? What I felt about sleeping with the enemy?"

For a moment Elrond was silent. He was desperately afraid he would say the wrong thing and scare Estel away. His son was hurting and it would not take much to push him back into himself. "You did not betray us. If you had we would all be dead, or at least severly hurt."

Wearily Aragorn dropped his head back on the couch. "I am glad you accept that. Many don't."

"I trust you, that has never changed."

Suddenly restless Aragorn rose and stalked to the window, looking out over the peaceful vale. Unfortunately it did not bring the familiar peace to his troubled thoughts. "That is nice to hear."

Rising Elrond moved to stand a couple of paces behing the unusually tense ranger. "Something, or perhaps many things are bothering you. I want to help." Hesitantly he moved around so he could look into his son's eyes. "I love you and want to help. You must know I would not have turned you away."

Aragorn refused to look at his father. It was only with the greatest of efforts that he was suppressing the shudders that were trying to take over his body as all the memories and feelings he had repressed since leaving Mordor began to break through his carefully constructed wall. Closing his eyes he fought to regain his equalibrian. "I once thought I knew," he managed. "Now," he released a painful, sarcastic breath. "I just don't know."

For a few moments Elrond was silent. "What don't you know?"

"Who to trust anymore. Once I thought I could judge." Closing his eyes he leaned against the window. "Sauron wanted me. It had nothing to do with me being Isildur's heir." Opening his eyes he stared out at the setting sun, but his eyes saw the barren, hurting land that haunted him still. "He made me one promise. One. That he would not hurt me." Restlessly he began to pace the room. "He kept that promise. He gave me complete control of internal matters and never tried to trick me into betraying the North." His pacing brought him back to the window. "After a time I came to trust him. Oh not about his goodness or what would happen if he gained control of Middle-earth, but in his promise to me." Closing his eyes he slid down the wall, his head falling back. "Then Saruman said the Ring was not lost." The hate in his voice when he spoke of the ring could not be missed. "Things began to change. Sauron began to spend all his time in the Eye, looking for it." Eyes closing in pain, his right hand shifted to cover his left wrist, it looked almost as though he was holding something. "Sauron became more and more the Dark Lord. Things in Mordor slowly started getting worse as he devoted more time to searching out the ring. Then," here he shuddered violently. "I got back from a routine tour of the outlying areas and things were a mess. I skipped daily council to catch up on the happenings and- and-" his voice stuttered to a stop as he almost gasped for breath, his eyes scrunching up in pain. "Sauron came, he was upset about council. He-he grabbed me and shoved me against the wall, binding my hands with the curtain cord then our clothes were gone. Sauron _never_ used those abilites on me. Never." The hand over his wrist tightened as shudders tore at his body, Elrond found himself having to hold on the the back of the neares chair to refrain from going to his son. "He didn't stop, even when I told him he was hurting me. All I could do was stay there and pray for it to be over. But it wasn't." Eyes more haunted then Elrond had ever seen on his youngest before looked up at him. "But it wasn't. He cut the rope, but kept my hands bound as he threw me on the desk and started again. I forced myself into oblivian. When I came to I was alone. Several hours later he came back- and freed me." Taking a deep breath to regain his composure he looked up at his father. "You see, I trusted. Oh, I know I was not responsible for the rape itself: The Dark Lord was staking a claim and wi- he hesitated a moment, not yet ready to mention his bracelet "-alone and unprepared I could not have overpowered him but I trusted stupidly and I paid for my own mistakes."

"No!" Unable to restrain himself anymore Elrond rushed to the ranger and folded him into a loving embrace. "You were not wrong. Sauron gave you every reason to trust him."

Aragorn stiffened as his father's arms wrapped around him, this was the first embrace he had allowed since leaving Mordor. Slowly he leaned into the welcome embrace. His father was not throwing him out. "I knew things were getting worse, I just blinded myself." He forced himself to pull away from the embrace he did not deserve. _He_ had been the one to trust the enemy and he needed to deal with it himself.

Elrond forced his head up so their eyes could meet. "No. You did not trust him with news of the North or deny what he would do if he won. You learned over more than a decade to trust him with you. That is not wrong."

Haunted eyes searched his. "Really?"

Slowly, showing his conviction, Elrond nodded. "Rest now, we will talk more in the morning. You are home for as long as you wish."

With a half smile Aragorn dropped his head to his ada's shoulder and closed his eyes, allowing his iron control on his emotions to fade and gave in to the tears he had not permitted himself before.

Elrond held Estel as his youngest finally gave voice to his agony filled sobs. Full night had descended before he was silent. Carefully he lifted Estel into his arms and carried him back to his bed, tucking him in. The elven lord did not kid himself that this was over, but at least the healing could now begin. "Goodnight, my son." Not surprisingly Gandalf was waiting for him in the family sitting room. "He is sleeping."

"Is he okay?"

Elrond sagged wearily down on the couch next to the wizard. "That depends on your definition of okay. He is well. His time in Mordor was better than we expected but the reason he was released was worse than we imagined."

"You should get some rest. This is far from over."

Nodding slowly Elrond forced himself back to his feet. "I always hoped that once he returned home everything would magically be alright. I knew it was not realistic, but my father's heart hoped."

"There is always hope," Gandalf reminded him. "And he is home and alive."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Miles away a cloaked and hooded figure rode quickly to Rivendell. Isildur's heir had returned to the elven land. The figure had to get there before it was too late and things were changed too much. The horse was urged into a faster run. Soon, soon Isildur's heir would be seen again. The figure raced on into the night.


	4. 3

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR and am making no money

Aragorn slowly drifted into wakefulness, more relaxed and at peace than he had felt in decades. His father did not blame him for trusting Sauron. He even implied that after all those years trust was bound to have grown. Aragorn did not know if he believed that, but it was nice to hear. And Elrond was not known for pulling his punches when it came to facing reality. It was something he would have to think about. Or more likely discuss with his father again. His father, it felt so good to actually be able to think that and not feel like he was living a lie. But he did not fool himself into thinking Elrond would be satisfied with the talk last night. He would not let it drop until Aragorn had dealt with the repercussions. Looking out over the much missed view of his childhood home the ranger admitted to himself that it was past time to face his past. He was not alone. His family still loved him, even if Elladan could not trust him. At least not yet.

Feeling more optimistic than he had in years the ranger dressed, thinking about his brother's reactions the night before. Elladan's had been better than he had hoped, althought the distrust he had expected most to feel had still hurt. But Elrohir's feelings of guilt had caught him off-guard. He had never considered that they might blame themselves for his decision. It had been his decision, and once he was in Mordor there had been no way out. His word bound him tighter than any chains could have. His word. That thought brought him up short. He had given his word to protect his brother's and Legolas. Suddenly better able to understand Elrohir's guilt he still found could not blame them. Sauron would not have released him, and the thought of what his years in Mordor would have been like if he had not been forced into agreeing to be The Dark Lord's consort or had outright refused frightened him as few things did. He could not have survived that, once had almost shattered him. With a quick shake of his head he shoved those thoughts out of his mind with the ease of long practice. Those were thoughts for another time. Now he wanted to enjoy simply being home and having his family's love.

Slightly nervous about facing the rest of Rivendell's elves Aragorn finished dressing and left his room. It was past time to stop hiding behind his fear. Elrond, his brother's and Glorfindel were already having breakfast when he arrived, and he was relieved to note that a place had been set for him. Despite his father's apparent easy acceptance of him it was hard to suppress the fear of rejection he had lived with since leaving Mordor and being denied Rivendell's borders. "Morning."

"I expected you to sleep in," Elrond commented.

Aragorn shrugged, taking some fruit from the bowl in middle of the table. "I am not used to sleeping in. It is not safe in the wilderness. Things are growing steadily worse." Carefully suppressing a shudder he took a sip of his water. "Sauron will know where the ring went and he will stop at nothing to get it."

Slowly Elrond nodded his agreement. "I have called a council of the free races, it will convene by the end of the week. The fate of the Ring must be determined once and for all."

Before the conversation could go any further Merry and Pippin walked intothe room. Merry took the seat next to Aragorn while Pippin sat on the opposite end of the table. If he had not been watching closely Elrond would have missed the quickly hidden pain that flashed in his youngest's eyes at the young hobbit's obvious fear. His parental instincts urged him to do anything to protect his son, but he knew there was little he could do except be there for him. The elven lord knew it would take time and a lot of honest talking for any of them to move beyond the last two plus decades. Looking at his twins, buried in their silence and guilt he knew that more than Aragorn needed to face the past. Now they just all had to find the courage to do so.

Elladan stared down at his plate, he could not make himself look at his brother. He knew it was wrong and not fair, but he could not get the picture of his baby brother and Sauron out of his head. Aragorn's words from the night before kept playing in his head, 'Sauron wanted me willing of no, perhaps it was better for me it was willing.' All he wanted to do was bury his head in his hands and pretend none of this had happened. Looking over at Estel he knew his brother saw his feelings and he felt the guilt almost overwhelming him. His brother deserved his love and compassion not his distrust. But he could not get past it, no matter how hard he tried. He could not put his trust fuly in his brother when he had apparently enjoyed his time with Sauron. It just did not fit and was not right. So he continued to stare at his food and tried not to pay attention to his brothers' conversation when all he really wanted to be able to do was join in and be comfortable and sure he would not say something to harm his little brother. Because despite his outward appearance to the countrary Elladan knew Estel well enough to know that he was hurting deep inside and it hurt Elladan to know he was adding to that pain. He forced himself to focus on the hobbits and assisting Pippin recognizing what hew was eating. Not that a lack of knowledge had been slowing the hobbit down. Against his will his eyes and thoughts were pulled back to his little brother and another thing he had said last night. 'Would you rather I had been raped?' Even the thought mad him shudder. But to willingly- with Sauron? No, he just couldn't accept it. He fought back his tears.

Seated next to his twin Elrohir forced himself to ignore Elladan's turmoil. He could not help his brother when he could barely help himself. He did not have the same hang-ups as Elladan: He did not, could not, blame Estel for anything he had done or that had happened. He blamed himself. If they had not been so rash, so defiant of his father's worries. It did not matter that Estel did not blame him. He_ knew_ he was to blame.

Gandalf walked into the dining room and almost staggered under the tension the room was buried in. It was going to take this family a long time to put their relationships back together, but he had no doubt that, with effort, they would. Unfortunately they also had the pressing business of the One Ring to take care of. "Good morning."

"Excuse me," Elladan rose and quickly left the room.

Aragorn determinedly did not look after his departing brother. "May I be excused as well? I'm going to reacquaint myself with Rivendell."

With a shrug of his shoulders Elrohir rose and left the room as well.

Elrond sagged down in his chair, wearily meeting Gandalf's eyes. "Is there any hope?"

"You know there is," the wizard replied. "It is just going to take time. At the moment I think emotions are simply running to high for rational thought."

The elven lord nodded. "I know. I just hate to see all my children in so much pain."

"We don't know about Arwen," Gandalf commented.

"Arwen," Elrond repeated, dropping his head into his hands. He did not want to think how his only daughter would react to the news that the only man she had ever allowed herself to love was back in the elven realm.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Reluctantly the cloaked figure stopped half a days ride from Rivendell. Time was pressing the horse was exhausted. With no rest they would never make it to Rivendell. The figure looked toward the distant elven realm. Changes were already taking place. Isildur's heir was changing. Checking the horse the figure settled to wait. They had to get to Rivendel, soon. Before it was too late.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Closing his eyes to steady himself Elrohir approached the tree where he knew Estel would be. When he was little the other elven youngsters had teased him for not being able to climb as nimbly as them. The young human had practiced until he mastered the tree. From that day forward it had become the boy's sanctuary. "Do you mind some company?" he asked already halfway up the tree.

The ranger chieftain glanced at him before resuming his examination of the sky. He was perched quite comfortably in a vee toward the top. "How did you find me?"

Elrohir grinned as he sat next to his little brother. "This is where you always went when things were too much. Somehow I thought you might need a rest from being home."

Estel half grinned, but still did not look at his brother. "What can I do for you?"

Now it was Elrohir's turn to gaze up the sky. "I am not sure. I just could not leave things the way they were." For a few more minutes they were silent. "Was it awful?"

It was long minutes before Estel answered. "Yes and no." He was silent so long after that one phrase that Elrohir thought he would say noting else, but then he started speaking in a low, even voice. "I was not a prisoner, at least not a conventional one. I had free run of Mordor and complete control of all internal concerns." Closing his eyes he allowed himself to think back willingly on those years for the first time since he had been freed. "I was the Dark Lord's Consort with all the duties and responsibilites that went with the title. Sauron did try to make Mordor more liveable for me, but-" he cut himself off. "I accepted my place."

Elrohir found himself with nothing to say, but he knew he had to find the words. If he ever wanted a close relationship with his brother again he had to find the words. "It was not your fault." The elf could not look at his brother, guilt once again overwhelming him. "It was not your fault," he repeated.

Aragorn stiffened looking at his brother for the first time. "I do not blame you. If anything my promise made things easier. If I had not taken my place willingly it would have destroyed me."

Caught off-guard Elrohir found himself meeting his brother's eyes. "What?"

"To be forced would have shattered everything that I am. There would be nothing of me left. As it is I," he paused, closing his eyes. If he truly intended to deal with his past he had to face it. He forced himself to go on, hiding would only make it more difficult. "I am still reeling."

Elrohir turned his body so fast he almost fell out of the tree. "You were," he gulped making himself say the words. "You were-"

Slowly Aragorn nodded, holding his brother's eyes despite the fear. To his relief their was no condemnation only concern. "Once. That was why I was freed. Sauron broke the one promise he made to me: to never hurt me. He released me that same day and I-I fled. Left the people who relied on me, I just had to get away. Part of me has been hiding ever since." He paused gathering his thoughts and choosing his words with care. "That was only once, if-if-" he stuttered swallowing hard. "If I had not agreed I would have been destroyed. The Dark Lord would not have waited forever."

Noticing the change of name Elrohir said nothing as he tried to grasp what he had just been told. Part of him felt guiltier, but another part saw the reason in Estel's argument. The idea of his brother abused over and over had haunted him for more than two decades. Relief almost overwhelmed him as he realized that had not happened. But pain tore him up as he suddenly knew that Estel had trusted Sauron, not with the North, but with himself: and that trust had been betrayed in the most cruel way possible. "You trusted him," Elrohir stated and was glad there was no accussion in his voice. "That is why it hurts so much. You do not trust easily, but when you do it is completely."

Head dropping back against the tree trunk Aragorn closed his eyes. "More the fool me."

At a loss as to how to help Elrohir simply sat next to him, reveling in the easy companionship he had thought he would never feel again. He still felt guilty and knew he would always blame himself somewhat, but it was no longer as crippling. With time and effort he no knew he and Estel could rebuild their relationship. "You are not a fool."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Elladan hesitantly approached the base of Estel's tree. He could not count the number of times he had climbed this tree in the last twenty years just to feel close to his absent brother. Now he knew both his brothers were ensconsed in its upper limbs but he could not make himself join them. Guilt was overpowering him and all he wanted to do was run away. But that was not an option. His father had sent him with a message that needed to be delivered. Taking a deep breath to brace himself and shove his emotions in a tight corner of his mind he climbed up and joined them, and was hurt to notice Estel's instinctive tensing as the ranger sat up straighter. Elladan did not blame him, but it still caused an ache deep inside him. "A council will convene in two days to discuss what must be done with the Ring. Represenetives from all the free people's will be arriving soon. Father would like us to be available to greet them."

Looking between his equally tense brothers Elrohir nodded. "Does he know who will be attending? And when they will be arriving?"

The elder twin shook his head. "Mirkwood's represenetive should arrive no later than this evening with the dwa-"

Not allowing Elladan to finish Aragorn scrambled quickly to the ground, focusing on controlling his breathing. He would not hyperventilate. Leaning back against the tree he struggled to regain his equilibrian, aware of Elrohir a few feet away and Elladan retreating. "Legolas will represent Mirkwood," he stated.

As much as Elrohir wanted to argue he agreed with his brother. "Will you be okay?"

Shrugging Aragorn looked up at him. "Yes. I am always okay." He met his brother's eyes. "Thank you."

Caught off-guard Elrohir simply returned the gaze. "For what?"

"For caring." Aragorn started walking back to the house, his brother beside him. "Despite your feelings you are able to see beyond that or act beyond that."

"I love you," Elrohir stated simply. "You are my little brother and nothing will ever change that. My... difficulties with what happened is not your problem. It is mine to deal with and get through. I lost you for two decades, I do not intend for it to happen again."

Aragorn nodded but could not help looking the direction Elladan had disappeared in. "I just wish Elladan and Legolas felt that way."

"He does," Elrohir answered. "Elladan's emotions just have a tendency to overpower him. Give him time."

It was a few moments before Aragorn answered, and his reply chilled the elf. "I would love to, but I do not know how much time there is to give." He turned his head and caught his brother's gaze. "The end, for good or ill, is approaching fast. Both sides will lose many before this is over."

Closing his eyes as the truth of Estel's comment settled deep within him Elrohir nodded. "I know." He opened his eyes and looked over the land he loved. "I know."

They walked silently until they almost reached the house. Elrond was coming down the stairs toward them when a lone rider came racing up at a full gallop. The cloaked and hooded figure dropped the the ground as Elrond and Elrohir both instinctively moved in front of Estel. With a smile of gratitute Aragorn moved between the two elves. While he did appreciate the moves he would face whatever reaction was to come. If he ever wanted to completely regain his life he would have to.

The cloaked figure raced up to them. She stopped in front of Estel. The three males stared at the figure who slowly pulled her hood down. Aragorn gasped in shock and staggered, held up only by his brother's quick hand. "Arwen?!"


	5. 4

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR and am making no money

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Arwen," Aragorn repeated, staring at the only person he had ever truly loved. She was even more beautiful than in his memories. Her dark hair was swept back in loose braid and her clothes were travel stained, but she was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Swallowing hard he forced himself to look into her eyes. He did not think he could stand it if she shrank from him.

Breathing hard Arwen stared at Estel. She had dreaded and longed for this moment for years. Now that it was here she was not sure how she should react. As she took in his wan form she thought about the changes she had sensed in him. They were not good. He was hurting and did not know how to stop. As their eyes met she fell into his soul, as she always had. This was her love, changed and wounded, but still the man she had fallen in love with so long ago. With a happy cry she threw herself into arms she knew would catch her and clung to him. He was really home. Nothing else mattered. "I love you," she whispered.

Aragorn tightened his arms and bit back his sobs as he heard those words he had never expected to hear again, but he did not say them back. It did not matter how much he longed to, Arwen did not know the full story of his time since their last parting. He would not, _could_ not, let things go too far until the past had been dealt with and accepted. He would not survive losing Arwen again. Not when he had just gotten her back. No. She was not his yet, possibly not ever again. He had not been worthy of her before Mordor, how could he even think of being with her now? But still he found himself clinging to her, unable to release her. In her arms was the only place he had ever truly wanted to be.

From the safety of her love's arms Arwen glanced at her father and brothers. Elladan had looked away while Elrohir had a half grin on his face. Her father. Elrond looked both relieved and pained. Knowing they had so much to discuss, but reluctant to face the revelations she knew she would not like Arwen reluctantly started to pull away from Estel.

"Well, isn't this a pretty picture," a musical voice sneered.

All four turned to face Legolas who had just dismounted from his horse along with the other four represenetives of Mirkwood. Instinctively Arwen and Aragorn tightened their grip on each other while Elrohir moved to flank his youngest brother. Surprisingly it was Aragorn who found his voice first. "Welcome to Rivendell."

Legolas turned to Elrond, not deigning to notice the human. "We had heard rumors in Mirkwood that you had chosen to ban the traitor to keep your land safe."

Elrond raised an eyebrow, taking a step forward to stand a little to the side of three of his children. Ellladan was still standing halfway between Legolas and his siblings, seeming to be frozen in place. "That was a misunderstanding. My son is always welcome in Rivendell. It is his home. When I discover the guards who decided to ignore my orders there _will_ be consequances."

For a moment Legolas allowed his gaze to settle on the human, before quickly turning away, anger and pain flaring in his eyes before they darkened to hide all emotion. "They were just trying to protect the elven lands. You can't trust him."

Elrond cocked his head slightly. "On the contrary, I trust him completely. You are welcome in Rivendell, but I would appreciate it if you did not spout hatred."

Mirkwood's prince nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement. "When is the council to be held?"

"In two days."

With another quick nod of his head Legolas moved off to his quarters without another look at the silent human.

Unintentionally Aragorn tightened his arm around Arwen. "That could have gone better." He grinned slightly. "It could also have gone much worse." Releasing a deep breath he straightened. He looked down at Arwen. "It is good to see you."

She smiled up at him. "Lets go talk somewhere more private where we can catch up." He glanced at Elrond and his father nodded.

As the two walked off Elrohir moved closer to Elrond. "Do you think they are going to be okay?"

The elven lord shook his head. "I do not know. And I am sad to say I do not know how I want it to end."

Elrohir looked at his father. "They love each other. That never changed. Arwen has not been the same since he has been gone."

"I know and want to be behind them, but I do not want to lose Arwen. My problem is not Estel's time in Mordor, but the fact that if she chooses him she chooses a mortal life and I will lose her forever."

Elladan turned away, walking away from his father and brother. The idea of Estel with Arwen after his time with Sauron was making him sick and he did not want to feel this way. It was not right! Nothing about this entire situation was fair.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Still arm in arm Arwen and Aragorn walked into the family sitting room. They sat down together on the couch. "I can't believe you are actually here," Arwen commented, her eyes tearing. "I was so afraid I would never see you again." She swallowed hard, reaching out to clutch Estel's hand. "When Elladan and Elrohir told me what had happened, I did not know how I would go on."

For a moment Aragorn looked down before forcing himself to meet Arwen's eyes. He had to be honest with her. If he lost her, that was just something he would have to live with. He owed it to her. "I missed you to. A part of me always dreamed of coming home to you, but I couldn't survive if I thought of you constantly. I put you and my feelings for you in a corner of my mind, that I took out when I was at my lowest or lonliest."

Licking her lips Arwen forced herself to ask the questions that she was afraid of. All she wanted to do was rejoice in having her love back, but if she did that their relationship would never be real or true. Neither of them could afford to ignore the last two decades. As hard as it was going to be and as much as it might hurt, they had to be completely honest with each other. "Can you tell me about it?"

Leaving his hand in her lap Aragorn dropped his head to the back of the couch, looking up at the ceiling. "I would rather not, but I know I need to." Closing his eyes he centered himself. "I need you to let me tell you without interrupting. After I will answer any questions you have after. I will also understand if you decided to leave."

More than anything Arwen wanted to promise him that would not happen. She could not imagine anything that would make her stop loving him, but she could not make any guarantees, that would destroy both of them.. She squeezed his hand. "I love you."

He half smiled. "I-" He talked for almost two hours. Eyes closed, head dropped back wearily he described his years in Mordor, leaving not and hing out, including his feelings. When he was done he was completely exhausted and emotionally numb, but he had to know how Arwen felt. If she would leave him now or shrink from him. Throughout his story she had remained by his side, her hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly at some of the more painful points. Turning his head Aragorn forced his eyes open, Arwen's were focused on him and full of so many emotions he could not read them all. But there was not hatred or disgust. No hatred or disgust, he hardly dared to believe it. "Thank you," he whispered. "I am not the man I was."

"After two decades no one is the same," she replied. Gently she brushed his hair back. "The core of who you are has not changed. You may be battered and bruised but you are still the man I fell in love with. Still the man I want to spend my life with."

Unable to reply Aragorn pulled her into his arms and held her tight. "I do not know how you can be so understanding. I-"

Relaxing into his embrace Arwen raised a finger to cover his lips. "You were forced into an agreement, that your honor kept you from breaking. If you think about it that enforced agreement does mean that in a way you were forced the entire time you were there."

"Arwen-"

"No," she interrupted. "I heard what you said, I know you received pleasure and I do not begrudge you that." Feeling him tense Arwen tightened her grip. "Why do you want to run? I know this will take us time to work through, but you are not going to lose me and I refuse to let you go now that I have you back. What tears at you so?"

His hand gently stroking her hair, taking more comfort than he could believe in the simple, familiar gesture Aragorn knew he would tell her what he had not been able to tell his father or Elrohir, even if it sent her from his side. Although a part of him was starting to accept that she would not leave him. He was still afraid to let himself believe. "I left myself open."

"Open, how? You could not fight him. His power is more than physical."

With the greatest effort Aragorn held himself still and fought the urge to flee. "No. I had the means to protect myself." Closing his eyes he concentrated hard for a moment, then held his wrist up so Arwen could see. He heard her gasp and almost smiled. One of the first things he had realized was that unless he chose to show it the bracelet remained hidden. When he did not wear it, it had a chance to be sensed by a powerful wizard, but when he wore it all that could be sensed was the light within himself. "It was a gift, a way for me to not lose myself." He pulled away from her for a moment to take the bracelit off and hand it to her.

Pulling away Arwen searched his eyes then held the braceleit up, examining it closely. Closing her eyes she reached out to Estel, and a moment later opened them in shock, staring in disbelief into her love's eyes. "It is you! Your very essence." She handed the bracelet back and Aragorn slipped it back on his wrist.

Slowly he nodded. "Sauron did not want me to lose myself," was his simple reply. "The bracelet helped me hang on to myself, to not become hardened to all the pain around me. At times it was hard, the pain of the land and people called out to me. But too much close proximity to it made Sauron uncomfortable so I got in the habit of taking it off in the privacy of my rooms. With it I may have been better able to defend myself. I knew Sauron was losing it. The longer he spent in the Red Eye searching for the ring the more the cruelty of the Dark Lord came out." He half laughed, squeezing Arwen's hand. "While that plagues my nightmares still what haunts me in my waking hours is all the people I left." Too agitated to sit still he straightened, but did not pull away from Arwen's loving touch. He closed his eyes, feeling the guilt almost overwhelming him. "I left the people who were counting on me." Opening his eyes he stared into Arwen's willing her to understand. "I made it my responsibility to bring life back to that dead land and protect the innocents who had been abused and given no say in their lives for generations. It was hard and frustrating, but things were starting to change, slowly. I abandoned them. Because I was not strong enough to handle," here he stopped closing his eyes. He had to say the words. "Because I could not deal with the fact I had been raped by my mortal enemy who I had allowed myself to trust. I left the people who trusted me to protect them." Eyes full of agony he met Arwen's eyes and was amazed there was still no condemnation there. "I failed them. I protected them, then abandoned them."

Her hand tightening in his Arwen shook her head. "You did what you had to do. You were no good to them in the state you were in."

Tired eyes, eyes that were older than any human's should be looked at her. "Since when? My life has never been about what I want, it is always my duty and responsibilities that define what I do. The only thing I should not have that I have ever held on to, is the dream of you."

Unable to argue with him Arwen laid her head on his shoulder. "It is not wrong to do what is best for you every now and then."

Aragorn did not answer, simly rested his head atop hers.

That was the way Elrond found them as night was descending. "There is a feast being held this evening to celebrate Frodo's recovery and the gathering of the council. You should both attend."

Neither elf missed the sudden tensing of the human, or the effort he made to force himself to relax. "I had better change then." Rising he smiled at Arwen before walking out. At the door he stopped and caught Elrond's eyes. "Ada?"

The elven lord nodded, a trifle sadly. "Your love has survived this, I will not stand in your way, but-"  
  
The ranger half smiled. "I know. There are things I must do and accept first before I can give her the life she deserves." He continued on his way.

When he was gone Arwen ran to her father and buried herself in his arms, sobbing all the emotion that she had not wanted to show Aragorn out. "Ada."

Softly he rubbed her back. "I know, I only got the abbreviated version, but it was bad enough."

Lifting her head she met his eyes. "I still love him, more than ever."

"I know." Elrond took in and slowly released a deep breath. "But there are things he needs to work through before you can be together."

Arwen nodded. "I know." Closing her eyes she took a moment to compose herself. "I had better wash and dress for the celebration as well."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Stepping into the feast hall Frodo looked around. All the people and races here daunted him. Anxiously he looked around, smiling in relief when he saw Aragorn standing in the near a door on the other side of the room. He had not seen the ranger since he had awoken and found that he missed the man. Now that he saw Aragorn and knew he was okay the hobbit felt like a weight had been lifted from him, and he felt safer. Deep inside he knew that no matter what happened Aragorn would always protect him. Crossing the room quickly he was not surprised to see Aragorn looking down at him with a small smile. "You look well," the ranger said. "Feeling better?"

Frodo could only nod. "Thank you. You saved us all."

Aragorn shook his head slightly. _"_I only helped. You, all of you, found the strength within yourselves to survive. "That is not something anyone else can do for you."

Before Frodo could answer they were called to dinner. The hobbit could feel Aragorn tensing beside him beofre the ranger extended his hand and gestured for him to lead the way. As he stepped past him Fodo did nto miss the tensing of his shoulders. Once in thedining room he sat beside an older dwarf on a chair already set up with pillowes to raise him up on a level with the larger humans. After only a moment's hesitation Aragorn took the seat beside him. A few moments later an elf, one of Elrond's sons he thought, took the chair on the other side of the ranger.

"Shouldn't you be at Elrond's side?" Aragorn asked.

The elf shook his head. "So should you. I think it will be nice to be out of the spotlight. How many times did we long to escape when we were young."

It was a moment before Aragorn could answer. "That was different." He glanced down at the head of the table: Legolas and Elladan were already sitting together. "You can not protect me."

He cocked his head. "I'm your big brother. It's in my job description."

For a moment Aragorn closed his eyes. "Thank you."

At that moment Elrond came in and glanced quickly down the table, noting the unusual configuration. Saying nothing he took his seat at the end of the table, giving a small smile to Arwen at the other end of the table. The dinner went better that Frodo had hoped for, he spent most of the meal talking to Gloin, the dwarf beside him, aware that beside him Aragorn said little and he was all to aware of the glares many of the elves were giving the ranger. After the dinner he got the best surprise: Bilbo. He embraced the elder hobbit, laughing joyfully.

"Dunedain!" Bilbo laughed happily and threw himself past Frodo. The younger hobbit was surprised to see him hugging Strider.

"Well met, Master Hobbit," the man said. "It is good to see you to."

Bilbo pulled away and patted his shoulder. "Give them time. They will see that you are still you." He glanced over Strider's shoulder, Frodo following his gaze could not tell who he was focusing on. A blond, regal appearing elf appeared top glare at Strider for a moment before turning away, but there were other elves who were casting unfriendly looks at the ranger. "He will know."

Strider smiled, but it was an easy smile. "Are you sure."

"You saved my nephew and heir at risk of your own life. I know. Besides I remember the mischevious child you once were and I still see that in you."

"Thank you." He glanced at Frodo. "I will let you catch up. I know you have a lot to share." His smile softened. "It is very good to see you well."

Frodo could only nod, there were not words enough to show his gratitude, as the ranger walked away. "Thank you."

The ranger nodded. "Do not stay up too late. The council is tomorrow and you will need your rest."

Frodo turned to Bilbo. "The council?"  
  
He smiled. "We have time to catch up, but it will be long." His eyes focused on Frodo for a moment. "He will need your support." The old hobbit's gaze followed the ranger as he left the room, carefully skirting those who were glaring at him. Suddenly lighter he turned to Frodo. "Let's go to my room and catch up."

A/N: Next chapter will be the council and preparations to leaving for their journey. The chapter after that will get into their journey. Hope you are enjoying. Thank you very much for all the reviews, they keep me writing and help me get them out faster.


	6. 5

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR and am making no money

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

Refusing to allow his nervousness to show Boromir strode into the council. Nearly all the seats were filled. Elves were the dominant race. At the far side of the room was a group of dwarves. Toward the front, only a few seats down from Elrond were two small people who he had never seen before. There were no men. On the heels of that though he noticed another man entering. Boromir found his eyes drawn to him, there was something-

"Strider, over here."

The younger of the little people called him over, signalling to the chair beside him. As he took his own seat, opposite the other man, he became aware of the suspicous glances the others were sending the newcomer. Some were downright hostile while others were merely curious. Before his thoughts could go any further Lord Elrond called the meeting to order.

Despite his best intentions he Boromir found his mind wandering as the history of the One Ring was rehashed. Every once in a while he found something catching his attention, the wizard's story for example: that explained a lot about what he had seen when he went through Rohan. He also did not miss the brief flare of disgust on the other human's face although he did not say anything. Of course it annoyed him that they did not know about Isildur's return to Gondor. As usual the North knew nothing of what went on in the South and how their safety depended on Gondor. It startled him greatly when the other man spoke of the rangers who defended the North and fought and died unnoticed and unattended except by their own.

Before he had a chance to absorb the new information and respond Elrond firmly moved the focus back to the One Ring. When the small person, a hobbit Elrond had called them placed the small circlet on the table, everything else faded away. He could feel it, almost hear it. When his view was obstructed by a hand he looked up and barely stopped himself from jumping the other man to regain the Ring. A quick glance around the room showed about half the beings present waking from a trance or watching the ranger curiously or with distrust. "It is better to remain hidden," the dark haired man commented quietly, handing the Ring back to the hobbit, who grabbed it quickly and possessively, tucking it out of sight. For a few moments Boromir found his eyes locked on the pocket, if only-

"This is why it must be destroyed," the dark haired ranger's words interrupted his thoughts and the force of it demanded his attention.

Caught completely off-guard by instant compulsion to obey he sat up straighter. Who was this person?

"Don't you mean you want to take it?" the blond elf asked sarcastically.

"No." The answer was calm and controlled. "I do not want it." His gaze locked on the blond elf and then moved to the dark haired elf next to. "If I had wanted it I could have taken it any time between Bree and Rivendell or during that last flight to here." His gaze swept the room, drawing all attention to him. "No one is safe from its malevelence. It needs to be destoyed."

"So you are going to just walk back into Mordor and return it to its rightful owner, Dark Lord's Consort." The anger in that usually melodic voice seemed enough to dim the courtyard.

His fascination with the Ring forgotten Boromir swung his head back to evaluate the ranger again. Faramir's words came back to him. "If he was not Sauron's consort I could easily see following him. It was almost instinctive." At the time Boromir could recall laughing at his younger brother and warning him not to let their father hear those words. Now, face to face with him, he knew where his brother was coming from. "You are Lord Telcontar?"

His gaze was calm and collected when he turned his head. "I was."

Boromir was silent, for one of the few times in his life he did not know what to say.

"Yes," the blond elf went on. "That is Lord Telcontar. Quite a fall for the hope of men."

Suddenly Faramir's observations and his own feelings solidified into knowledge. "You are of Elendil's line."

It was Gandalf who answered, before anyone else could. "Boromir, eldest son of the steward of Gondor meet Aragorn, ranger chieftain and the heir of Isildur"

"This is all well and good but I want to know about the Ring," the elder dwarf interrupted. "What are we going to do?"

"It needs to be destroyed," Aragorn stated again.

"And I suppose you are going to be the one take it, maybe taking a detour along the way to return it to its rightful owner," The blond elf replied.

"Legolas," Elrond's voice was taut. "Enough."

Reluctantly he subsided. "Can't we just hide it?" one of the other elves, Glorfindel Boromir thought asked.

Slowly Elrond shook his head. "My power is not strong enough nor is Lothlorien, the shire is undefended, Gondor does not have the strength, Rohan has all but fallen, and the dwarves are too far seperated."

"What about the Undying lands?" another elf asked.

"Even if they would take it, which is unlikely, I do not think even their they could hold out forever."

Aragorn had his hands folded on the table and was staring intently at them. "If The Dark Lord regains the One it will be the end of freedom in Middle-earth." His eyes, suddenly haunted scanned the room. Slowly he took and released a deep breath. "There is no other choice."

That sparked off a debate that had everyone except the hobbits and Aragorn screaming and arguing with each other. Frodo found himself glancing from a grim Strider to the debating council. The Ring caused this. Strider was right. It was evil and had to be destroyed. At that thought his hands involuntarily clenched at the thoughts of destroying the Ring. "I will take the Ring to Mordor," he announced. The pain in Gandalf's eyes almost made him change his mind. But a quick glance at the ranger beside steeled his resolve.

"I am going too!" Sam announced, popping out of his hiding place.

Trying to suppress his shock and fear Frodo barely heard the plans for scouting that were being made. Terror was overwhelming him. He glanced up as a hand came to rest on his shoulder into Aragorn's eyes. "You did the right thing. If you want I too shall accompany you."

Mustering a small smile Frodo nodded.

"Relax and rest, it will be at least a month before we leave. Are you going to be okay?"

Relieved at the ranger's offer Frodo nodded.

"Good. I need to speak with Lord Elrond. I think it would be good for Boromir to accompany the rangers."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Feeling more confused than he could remember ever feeling before Boromir excused himselfself as soon as he and Aragorn returned to the last homely house. He had no

idea what to think. He wanted to hate Aragorn, he wanted the last two months to prove to him that this man, who had been proclaimed Isildur's heir was unfit to hold the title, even if that was truly who he was. Unfortunately he had found himself having to agree with his brother: this was a man he could follow. There was a core of truth to him that almost pulled a person in.

And the rangers. Closing his eyes he sagged wearily into the padded armchair in his room that looked out over the peaceful vale of Rivendell. Against his will his eyes had been opened. Gondor may stand as a bulwark against the evil of Mordor, but the hidden rangers were a silent, efficient protection that received none of the acclaim from those they protected. He felt anger just thinking about their reception in many of the small towns. Distrust and dislike. Without even trying the memory of the first time he had felt those feelings aimed at him. There had just been a skirmish with a band of orcs. Two of the rangers had been hurt but when they had gone to the nearest village for aid they had almost been turned away. Once allowed to enter they were glared at and eyed mistrustfully. What had struck him was the fact that the rangers just accepted the treatment without a word and stopped him from saying anything. "This is our chosen duty, our responsibility," was the simple reply. He had looked over at Aragorn at that moment to seed the ranger chieftain healing his follower and he had known. In this place Aragorn held the same power as his father, but without the acknowledgement and perks the stewards and their soldiers had. Aragorn's angry words at the council now made the sense to the heir to the stewardship of Gondor. They fought just as hard against the enemy, and were hated instead of revered.

Against his will he found himself growing to respect the rangers and the man who led them. They were a disparate group that seldom saw each other, but they had an efficient system of communications There was no walled city to retreat to, no gate guards to protect their families while they were gone, yet they were not a depressed people. The were serious mostly, but able to joke and be light hearted when they were together. The rangers were a people worthy of respect.

Angrily he rose to stalk around his room. He did not want to like or respect this so called Isildur's heir, but he was too honest to deny what he had seen. How? How could the heir to the kingdom of Gondor have submitted to Sauron willingly? And how could the rangers, men of honor, take him back and trust him? Closing his eyes he allowed himself to collapse back down. How could he deny what he had learned of the man by watching him lead? And how could he turn his beloved city over to the man who had ruled by Sauron's side? How could he reconcile what he felt with he knew?

Answers eluded Boromir as he forced himself to go to sleep. Tomorrow they left, and it would be a long journy.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

Well aware of Boromir's unanswered questions about him Aragorn walked to his room to deposit his pack and change into more fitting clothes. Meeting with his father and Gandalf could wait until he was changed and clean. He may not be able to bathe as often as he liked when in the wilds, but it was always a relief to be able to get clean and stay that way for more than a few hours at a time.

An hour later he was not surprised to see his father, brothers, Gandalf, Legolas and the Frodo gathered in Elrond's study. His was the last scouting group to return. "Orc raiding parties, but no more than has become normal. The area around the shire is quieter than it has been in a long time." He reported, sitting down in one of the armchairs. "Boromir wishes to accompany Frodo as far as he is able before returning to his city."

"Are you coming?" Frodo asked quickly.

He gave the hobbit a small smile. "I vowed to protect you by my life or death."

Not surprisingly Legolas was the first to voice his immediate complaint. "No. He can not be trusted. The fate of Middle-earth is at stake."

"I hate to admit it," Elladan spoke up. "But Legolas is right." He glanced at Aragorn apologetically. "He was the Ruling Consort of Mordor."

For a moment Aragorn was silent, closing his eyes in burning pain. This was what he had expected and been braced for, but the acceptance of most of his family and the rangers had lessened defenses against those who no longer trusted. Legolas he expected: the Mirkwood Prince had shown no signs of giving him the benefit of the doubt. Elladan, though, he had hoped would get beyond his distrust. He had seemed to want to.

Forcing himself to rebuild some of the barriers he had slowly dropped he took a deep breath and reopened his eyes. "What ever you think best," he replied rising. At the door he stopped and turned back, unable and unwilling to hide the dread in his eyes. "Do not forget that I know better than anyone in the North what will happen if Sauron wins." That said he walked out the door.

No one spoke for a long minute after he left. At last Elrohir rose, pulling his twin up with him. "If you will excuse us." Not bothering to wait for an answer he stormed out the door, a reluctant Elladan in tow.

Gandalf watched them go before turning back to Elrond. "So who should be sent?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Almost panting in his effort to control his rage Elrohir pulled Elladan to the family's private quarters. "What were you doing?!" he stormed. "Are you trying to chase Estel away again?"

"The concerns needed to be brought up," Elladan defended himself, hiding his unease at how he had almost attacked his brother. "The fate of Middle-earth hangs in the balance. We had to be sure."

Shaking his head in disgust Elrohir turned away from his twin. "Your behaviour was completely uncalled for."

"Estel was Sauron's mate for years. He lived with and slept with the free people's enemy."

Realization dawning Elrohir swung back around. "This has nothing to do with who or what Estel is now. You can not get past the fact that our little brother was the Dark Lord's Consort."

Elladan stormed past his brother to glare out the window. "It is not right! Estel was the hope of men, not the mate of evil."

"Mate of evil. That is a phrase I have not heard before."

Both brother's swung around in shock at their human brothers words. Swallowing hard Elrohir forced a small smile. "I thought you would be with Ada and Gandalf."

Aragorn shrugged, walking farther into the room, seeming to be oblivious to the conversation he had interrupted. "Legolas is busy telling them how untrustworthy I am."

"Estel-"

"It will work out." He turned to face his brothers. "Mate of evil, you should tell that one to Legolas."

"Estel I-" Elladan tried again.

Eyes hard Aragorn turned to face his eldest brother. "I will not deny or hide what I did or who I was when I was in Mordor." He caught Elladan's eyes and would not release them. "I know who I am and will _not_ lose me. I will not permit that." Once more he turned away to stare out the window, shoulders slumping. "It would be so much easier if I did."

"Estel-" this time it was Elrohir.

The ranger turned back around to face his brothers. "It does not matter." He walked back over to Elladan. "What is truly bothering you?" After a moment he stepped closer, visibly flinching as Elladan stepped away. "You are upset that I was able to make a home of Mordor. Upset that I could make a life there. Sauron is just the icing."

Now it was Elladan's turn to walk away. "You are not a dark numenorean."

"No," Aragorn agreed. "But nor am I simply Estel. My life does not permit me to remain one person. The person I was in Mordor is not the person I am here. If I had not become Lord Telcontar I would have been destroyed. It is no different than I have done in Rohan, Gondor, or Harad."

Elladan whirled to face him. "NO! Those people are your people, other than the Haradrim who are simply different. Mordor and those who live there are evil."

Aragorn's answering smile was sad. "No. If that were the case I would not feel guilty about those I left to fend for themselves. Yes, the orcs and nazgul are evil, as is most of his army, but many of the people who live within Mordor's borders are simply trying to make a life. The nations of the West distrust any who come from the dark lands. Too many it is all they have ever known. The tales they have been raised with about us are similar to ones the children of Gondor are taught."

Shaking his head Elladan refused to meet his brother's eyes. "No. Evil is evil."

Sadness overwhelming him Aragorn sagged wearily against the wall. "If only it were that easy. I hope you can come to terms with this. I do not want it to end this way between us. I will always think of you as my brother." Turning he walked to the door. Once there he hesitated a moment. "Even knowing what I know now I would not hesitate to make the same decision." He walked out, back straightening.

With a disgusted shake of his head Elrohir stared at his twin. "You need to come to terms with this before it is too late?"

Elladan whirled to face him. "Too late?"

Releasing a shaky breath Elrohir nodded. "Yes. Too late. The final battle for Middle-Earth begun. Not all will survive. Ada and Estel have both foreseen that not all will survive, although they do not know who will fall or how. Could you live with yourself if things ended this way?" Without waiting for an answer he walked out of the room.

Elladan watched him go before wearily shaking his head and dropping down on the couch, burying his head in his hands.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"You can not seriously be considering letting him go! Why not just hand the Ring over to Sauron now? Aragorn spent twelve years ruling Mordor. He can not be trusted!"

"Are you finished?" Gandalf glared at the prince of Mirkwood when he paused for breath in his tirade.

Legolas forced himself back into his usual calm. It made him crazy that whenever Aragorn came up he could not control himself or his emotions. "Yes, for now."

Gimli, who had been standing quietly in the corner with Gloin spoke up. "Whatever you decide is fine with me." He glanced at Legolas but quickly looked away, giving the attitude that the elf was beneath his notice. "I am more inclined to trust the Dunedain." With a respectful nod at Gandalf and Elrond the two dwarves left the room.

Suppressing his frustration Legolas forced himself to ignore the dwarves' slight. He had more important things to deal with. Middle-earth could not afford to allow the Dark Lord's Consort prolonged access to the One Ring. It was too dangerous. Why he was the only one who could see the risk was puzzling and frustrating him. Evil could not be trusted, even when it wore the face of a former friend and comrade. Careful to keep his voice calm he turned to Elrond and Gandalf. They were two of the wisest people he knew: the fact that they were blinded scared him. "He can not be trusted."

"You forget one thing," a small voice spoke from near the fireplace. Frodo walked closer to them from his place near the fireplace. "I trust him." Swallowing hard the hobbit looked hard at all three. "I want him to go. I care not who else accompanies me, but I accepted Aragorn's pledge. If he wishes, he goes where I go." Without waiting for a response he walked out of the room.

With a half smirk of disbelief Gandald sank down into one of the overstuffed chairs. "Well I guess that settles that."

Legolas looked from one to the other, thinking of a hundred more objections, but Gandalf was right: Frodo had made his decision. "I will accompany them." Inclining his head to wizard and elven lord Legolas left the room.

Gandalf watched him go. "Letting both go may not be the best idea."

Tearing his eyes from the door the elven prince had disappeared through Elrond sat down across from Gandalf. "Perhaps not, but he is our best represenetives for elves. I dare not send an elf lord, they hold too much power already and are at more risk from the ring. And he is young enough to see value in the other races, or to at least move beyond the misconceptions most elves hold for dwares and humans and even hobbits. I do not see who else we could send that is already here, able, and willing."

In the middle of lighting his pipe Gandalf nodded thoughtfully. "His concerns are not completely unfounded, nor is he alone in his view."

Slowly nodding his head Elrond leaned back in his chair. "But not his reasons. Estel is not going to turn Frodo over to Sauron. He is right, he does know better than anyone who was not present the last time Sauron had the Ring what will happen if the Dark Lord regains it. My fears lay in what he will face when they get to Mordor."

Blowing a smoke ring Gandalf examined him closely. "Your concerns are not as an elven lord; they are a father's."

Not denying it Elrond went on. "He is only now starting to face what happened and deal with his years in Mordor. I fear what going back will do to him."

His own concerns aroused Gandalf sat up straighter. "Do you think he will break?"

"No," there was no hesitation or doubt in the elven lord's voice. "You know him better than that. No, he will get the job done. But when it is over, when he faces the reality of his return? Yes, I am afraid it may destroy the part of himself he has managed to hold on to and nurture. He feels guilty for abandoning the people of Mordor who looked to him for protection and aid."

Thoughtfully leaning back Gandalf nodded. "I know. I do not doubt him but I fear greatly for him. You have my word, I will watch him, and support him when necessary. Your son will return to you. He is too strong to allow himself to be destroyed completely, no matter how much he, or others, may believe otherwise. You know the power he has always held and denied."

"I know, at least my head does. I just wish it had not come to this."

"So do we all." Gandalf replied. "So do we all."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Gloin watched his only child pack. "Are you sure you want to go through with this? I do not know if you can trust your companions."

Gimli did not bother to stop packing. "The fate of Middle-earth hangs in the balance. A dwarf needs to be along. Do not fear I will not turn my back on Thranduril's whelp. As for the human," he shrugged. "The others trust him and he is the leader of the rangers. _I_ trust their opinion."

After a moment Gloin nodded. "As you think best. Go and protect our land. I trust in you."

Gimli gave a respectful nod, before finishing his packing.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Taking a deep breath Frodo opened the door to Bilbo's room. He knew his friends would not be wild about his decision to have Aragorn come with. But he could not hide the simple truth from himself. He trusted the ranger. When all was said and done it came down to that simple fact. Now all he had to do was convince the others. Pausing for a moment he made himself think about what he was going to do and fear all but overwhelmed him. He did not want to do this in any way. To strengthen him he thought back over the final group selected to travel with him. Gandalf, of course, when he thought of the wizard he felt trust. He could trust Gandalf completely. Merry and Pippin were good friends who would add lightness to the journey and Sam, Sam would stand beside him and be loyal no matter the circumstances or how bad things got. Gimli, he did not know what to make of the dwarf, beyond what Bilbo had told him and his brief meeting with Balin years ago. But he trusted in the dwarf's strength and his vow to protect the Ringbearer. As for the human, Boromir, he did not know what to think. He had been mostly silent at the council and had accompanied Aragorn and his ranger's on their scouting expedition. Strider seemed able to trust him, or at least respect his abilities so Frodo was ready to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he would not rely on him until he knew better. Now Legolas, Frodo's fists clenched in renewed anger as he recalled the elves innuendos and outright challenges to Aragorn. No, he did not trust the elf. Then there was Aragorn himself. When he thought of the ranger he felt safe. Safe. That was why he _needed _Strider with him. Only with him did Frodo feel truly safe, surprisingly even more so than when he was with Gandalf.

With a quick push he opened the door and stepped in, and was immediately overwhelmed by his friends. "Is it decided? Who is coming? When do we leave?"

Unable to stop himself Frodo smiled at his fellow hobbit's enthusiasm. "Yes," he began to answer their excited questions. "Aragorn, Gandald, you three, Gimli, Boromir, and Legolas," despite his best efforts he could not keep the distaste out of his voice when he mentions the Mirkwood elf. "We leave tomorrow at first light."

"Strider," Pippin repeated. He had still not become completely comfortable with the former Dark Lord's Consort. Politics were over his head and he simply could not comprehend the man who had protected them had been wed to evil for more than a decade. The two simply did not go together. Didn't one side have to be a lie?

Frodo simply glared at him. "I trust him. He risked his life for us all when he could have taken the Ring any time he wanted. Even together we would not have been strong enough to stop it and he is quiet enough and skilled enough that he most likely could have taken the Ring and fled before we even knew it. He is going with me. If you do not like it, or can not accept it," Frodo paused, taking a deep breath: he did not want to do this. "Then you should stay here."

It was Sam who stepped forward first. "I do not know that I can trust him totally, but I trust _you_. I will follow your lead and give him the benefit of the doubt. He cared for you when he easily could have let you die."

Already settling himself down to sleep Merry shrugged lightly. "I never stopped trusting him. It took courage to tell us the truth, but especially to tell you the truth early Frodo. He could have easily hid the truth or at least concealled it. Go to sleep, Pip. We leave early."

After a moment Pippin ducked his head in acknowledgement and moved to his own bed.

For a moment more Frodo remained standing. It was decided. There was no going back. Tomorrow they set out for Mordor. Tomorrow he set out to destroy the One Ring. Tomorrow.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Disgusted with everything around him Legolas stormed into his room. Not paying attention to where he was going he nearly stumbled over the bed. This guest room was arranged differently from the one he had once thought of as his own. Memories of happier times spent in Rivendell rushed through him and he sank down on the bed. If he closed his eyes and allowed himself to think he could see himself, Aragorn, and the twins.

Almost violently he shook those thoughts out his head. The painful remeberances were one of the main reasons why he had requested rooms in the guest wing. Estel, his friend was gone. He had been gone since the moment he had accepted the position of Dark Lord's Consort. The elven raised Estel would not, could not, have survived any extended period of time in that evil place. The fact that he had willingly agreed, no matter the reason, showed that he was not trustworthy. He had already fallen. That was the only reason Legolas could accept. But it had driven him away from Rivendell. The prince found himself unable to face the twins or Elrond. He could not see the anger and sorrow the betrayal of Isildur's heir would have caused the family he had felt closer to than his own. It was cowardly, he knew, but that was the way it was.

Now Aragorn was back and everyone simply trusted him again. It was not right. So he would go. He would watch his former best friend and protect Frodo from the Dark Lord's willing Consort. The arguments about Aragorn's protection of the hobbits did not hold up. Aragorn was smart enough, cunning enough, to play a role until guards were down. Only then would he strike. Legolas would not allow that to happen, for the sake of the man Estel had once been Legolas would protect and guard the ringbearer. It was all he could do for his former friend. Middle-earth could not be allowed to fall into darkness. Not because he had allowed old feelings to cloud his judgement. He had to remain aloof and on his guard. He would not allow Sauron's Consort to win. He would do whatever was necessary. Whatever was necessary.

Heartsick Legolas lay back on the bed, the phrase continuously running through his head. Whatever was necessary, even if it killed him to do so. He would do-

-Whatever was necessary.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Leaning against his tree staring out over night covered Rivendell Aragorn was not surprised to sense Arwen coming up beside him. Despite being left out of many of the councils and meetings that took place in Rivendell it never took her long to find out what had happened in one. For a moment he debated whether or not to stay and wait or leave. He knew she would respect his need for privacy. No. He made himself wait. There would be no more running from the people who loved and trusted him. If he wanted his life back he would face himself and those he cared about. "You heard?"

"All of it," she replied, laying a comforting hand on his arm, feeling him stiffen. She wanted to do more, but knew Estel had to make the next move. "Elladan was wrong."

"Elladan was right," he corrected softly. "But for the wrong reasons. It is why Ada does not wish me to go, though he accepts that the fate of Middle-earth is more important than personal issues." Closing his eyes he gave in to his desires and pulled Arwen into an embrace, feeling her arms wrap around him. He resisted the memory of arms binding him, of trust betrayed and forced himself to simply enjoy having his love in his arms. She would not hurt him, he knew this, but a part of him that had trusted and been betrayed longed to flee.

Leaning into his embrace Arwen released the breath she had not even realized she was holding. He would still reach out to her. "Do you think you are going?"

For a moment his arms tightened before he released her so their eyes could meet. "I am going," he corrected. "In the end it is Frodo's decision, and he trusts me."

"And you don't feel up to that trust?"

Aragorn was silent for several moments, trying to figure out how to phrase his answer. "No. I know where I stand, but I fear returning to Mordor." His eyes closed and he saw the burnt out land starting to come to life and the people looking to him with hope long forgotten followed by an image of Sauron binding him. Instinctively his mind shied away from the image and his eyes snapped open. "There are memories I am only starting to deal with, to have them thrown in my face scares me." Gently he ran a hand down her cheek. His next words were going to hurt them both. "Arwen-"

Suspicous of what he was going to say Arwen reached up to cover his mouth. "I love you. I made my choice."

He half smiled, reaching up to take her hand in his. "I love you, you know that. There were times when the memory of you was all I had, but the truth is I am not, or do not feel worthy of you. Not because I am human and you are the Evenstar of her people. I am so honored that you chose me, even if part of me hates to be the reason you give up your immortal life. But I accept that it is your decision" Dropping her hand he turned away. "But right now, I can't give you what you deserve. You can't even touch me unexpectantly without me jumping. Even when I hold you, which I desperately want to do for always, a part of me is afraid and longs to run." Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath he forced himself to turn around. Arwen was watching him expectantly with all her love visible in her eyes. "I have to come to terms with what happened to me and make peace with the decisions I have made before I can be the man you deserve."

Pulling his head down Arwen gave him a soft kiss, aware that he fought not to pull away for a moment before he pulled her into his arms and returned her kiss. After a moment she pulled away. "I will be here. Be safe." Turning she glided away.

For a moment Aragorn watched her go before sliding down the tree to the ground. "I will be back," he quietly vowed. "_I _will."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

A/N: Sorry about the delay in getting this chapter out. Unfortunately I do not think I will be able to post much faster(although I am trying), my life is simply too busy at the moment for me to have much time for writing.

For anyone interested in my other stories I have not given up on them. The next chapter of _Possibilities_ it half written and I have a few more chapter ideas outlined. It is just a matter of actually finding the time to write them and right now most of my attention is on this story. As for _They Fell _I have not given up on it and would still like to finish it, but that will have to wait until I finish this one. Two AU taking place during the War of the Ring is more than I could do. Ideas for one story would have a tendency to cross over or interfere with the others. I do apolagize to anyone waiting for me to finish.

Thanks for reading and I will get the next chapter up as soon as I can.


	7. 6

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR and am making no money

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Wearily leaning back against a fallen log Gandalf looked at his sleeping companions. They were two weeks out from Imladris and the tension was thick enough to be cut with a knife. His eyes stopped first on Aragorn. He feared Elrond had been right. Isildur's heir had a lot he was trying to deal with and this journey would only make things worse. Frodo stayed close to the ranger, his trust unshakeable so Sam stayed near as well. But the gardener clearly did not trust him that much, but had faith in Frodo's opinion. Then there was Pippin, who stayed as far from the ranger as possible, but Merry ran interference since the older hobbit clearly respected Aragorn and would not let Pippen's behaviour get out of hand. Boromir quite clearly did not know what to make of the ranger or of the other races he travelled with and he was uneasy and uncomfortable. At least he did not have to worry about Legolas and Gimli. The elf and the dwarf, surprisingly, were virtually ignoring each other. Gimli seemed to accept Aragorn as what he appeared to be, but was not overly trusting. But Gandalf did not know if that was because he had been Sauron's consort or the simple distrust of dwarves for other races. Of course Legolas' overt distrust probably pushed the dwarf into trusting more than he would have under other circumstances. Last he allowed his eyes to rest on the elven prince. He was as worried about Mirkwood's heir as he was about Isildur's heir. He held so much anger and pain inside him that Gandalf was afraid he would explode. And that explosion could isolate him even more from the group than he already was. Closing his eyes a moment he reached out with his senses. He could still feel no evil near.

"Our departure was in secret. We will be found but not immediately."

Only two weeks of travelling and having his watch precede the ranger's kept Gandalf from jumping at the unexpected voice beside him. His eyes opened and he met Aragorn's as the man sat down beside him. Not for the first time he wondered how he had become so stealthy. He had even surprised Legolas a couple of times, causing the elf prince to glower even more at his former friend. Only Elrond's words of warning kept his curiousity unvoiced. 'Do not push him. He is still learning to trust. If you push he will probably draw away.' Instead he opted for the practical. "When do you think they will catch us?"

Aragorn shrugged. "That depends on many things. The watch is mine. Get some rest." His eyes went over to the elf's sleeping roll. "He does not fake sleep this day."

In the process of rising Gandalf glanced back at his friend. "I did not realize you knew."

Lightly he shrugged, but his eyes were haunted. "I have learned to always keep part of myself on guard and aware of both friend and foe." Signaling the end of the converstion Aragorn rose and scouted the outer ridges of the camp.

After a moment more of watching him Gandalf went to bed, but sleep was long in coming.

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Slowly, silently Aragorn paced the outer edges of the fellowship's camp. The evil was growing stronger. Closing his eyes he reached out with the senses he had been born with and extended them with the gift he had been given by evil incarnate. A shudder tore through him but the former Consort of Mordor fought his instinctive reaction. If he ever wished to truly be free, to be worthy of Arwen and the trust his people and most of his family and friends still held for him, he had to face the memories. He had to master them, not continue to allow himself to be mastered. But his turn at guard duty was not the time. Gently he moved the memories to the side, not stuffed into a corner of his mind. If they remained at the front of his mind he would deal with them during Frodo's watch. He _would_ deal with them. It was past time he retook control of his life.

Restless stirring behind him caused him to turn. Frodo was tossing in his sleep, one hand clutching at his chest, grasping the One, he knew. As the hobbit became more entangled in his blankets the ranger wondered if the others knew just how much the Ring pressed upon the ringbearer, or if that was a result of the bracelet he wore. Quietly slipping forward he laid his hand over the hobbits. "Rest easy," he whispered, placing the slightest protection around the hobbit. It took more energy today than it had the day before. The Ring was growing stronger, its call more irresistable. Fruitlessly he wished there had been another way or that they were able to travel faster or more openly. But to do either was to risk Sauron's knowing too soon. The united forces of Mordor could overtake the scattered forces of light. Too much distrust and time seperated the people, elves, and dwarves of Middle-earth. That very division would be their downfall if they failed. When the hobbit had settled Aragorn rose, once more scanning the area. The evil surrounding them was no more focused now than earlier. How soon, he wondered, did they have before the evil began to close in?

Aware that Legolas was starting to stir Aragorn moved to the edge of camp, silently pacing the perimeter.

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Placing his cloak over a still shivering Frodo Aragorn rose and scanned the small clearing again, his eyes stopping on the shadow that was Caradhas. The mountain had defeated them. The sure knowledge sent a shudder through him. Now there was no choice, it would have to be the mines. No matter how reluctant the others were there was now no choice. It would take to long to reach the gap of Rohan. There would be too much time lost. Feeling himself unconsciously stiffen Aragorn reached out with his senses. They were coming. Moving to wake the other he saw Gandalf and Legolas already rising. Turning back the the forest he closed his eyes and reached out again with his senses. "At least twenty-five," he quietly announced as the hobbits were roused and huddled together. Vaguely he was aware of Gandalf giving last minute warnings, but he knew it was too late. They could not survive against that many. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath to settle himself and slowly let it out. Once calm he reached out to the warg pack. Placing himself directly in front of the Fellowship he opened his eyes and held out a hand, holding the elven knife Elrohir had given him all those years ago. Leaning into his bracelet he quietly ordered, "stop," unaware he had spoken in the dark language of Mordor. Almost against their will the pack did so. Behind him he could hear the rest of the Fellowship muttering and stirring and hoped they stayed back. Taking a step forward he allowed his face to harden. "Leave." They did not move but remained steady. Reaching deeper into his bond with the bracelet and the person he had created and inhabited during those dark years he moved up so he was standing in front of the leader. "That was not a request." Still they hesitated. Lowering the knife so it rested against the leaders throat he commanded. "Go, by order of Lord Telcontar." He pushed the knife harder against the throat, eyes and voice brooking no disobedience.

The warg howled and led the pack away.

Feeling some of his tension fade Aragorn turned to face his companions, and immediately felt himself tense again. The rest of the Fellowship was staring at him with a mixture of distrust and disbelief. 'One step forward, two steps back,' he reminded himself with an inward sigh. "They will not expect Moria now," he commented matter of factly.

"Why not?" Frodo asked, he was huddled with Sam, looking around nervously.

Turning away so he would not have to see his companions reaction to his words Aragorn replied, "I just told Sauron's forces where I am as plainly as Gandalf's fire gave him away on Caradhas." He paused and took a deep breath, bracing himelf, before going on. "Sauron knows my dread of Moria and would not expect me to go there."

"Balin-" Gimli started to protest.

With a shake of his head Aragorn turned back to the dwarf. "Sauron was not happy with the loss of Moria, but he was not overly worried either. He knows, or suspects, what lives there and agreed that it was not a place I would be comfortable in."

"I wish you would stop doing that!" Boromir snapped.

Caught completely off-guard. Aragorn turned to him. "Doing what?"

"Talking about Sauron so familiarly. It is disconcerting, bad enough to hear you speaking the dark tongue."

A few tension filled moments later Merry hesitatantly spoke up. "It is a little- uncomfortable."

For a moment Aragorn was silent, not sure what to say. He had not thought twice about mentioning his time in Mordor. He had gotten too comfortable with the rangers and most of his family's acceptance. "I can't, and won't, pretend those years never happened. You had better get some rest. We are going to need to make good time tomorrow. I do not think the wargs will back off for long." Without another word he turned and walked to the edge of the clearing. He was all too aware of the tension filled silence as the others returned to their beds, but it was Legolas' watch before even the hobbits drifted off to sleep. Closing his eyes Aragorn forced himself to rest. They were all going to need it when they reached Moria

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As they moved through Moria Frodo stayed as close to Gandalf or Aragorn as he could. The mines were dark and carried an almost subliminal chill. Only around the wizard or ranger did he feel any warmth. The ring he wore around his neck seemed to grow heavier the deeper into Moria they went. Only when Aragorn laid his hand on his shoulder did the weight of the Ring seem to ease. He was afraid to ask Aragorn or Gandalf why that was. The tension from Boromir's comment after the warg attack was only beginning to fade and he did not want to be the cause of its return. He also knew he agreed completely with the ranger. The sooner they were out of this mine, the better.

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Taking his first deep breath in what felt like years Aragorn stepped off the rope bridge into Lothlorien. They were safe, or as safe as it was possible to be in these dark times. "We will all be blind-folded," he reiterated to the stubborn dwarf and pouting elf. Taking a deep breath he allowed the cloth to be bound around his eyes. Only years of iron control over his emotions allowed him to suppress his immediate paniced reaction. This was Lothlorien, there were no hidden assasins or ambushes just waiting for the unwary. Then he felt his hands grabbed and a rope wrapped around them. Terror swept through him. He could feel hands that had always been loving and gentle suddenly turn violent and painful. Before he had time to think his instincts had kicked in and he swept his leg out in a vicous arc and hit out with his hands before the rope could be tied. He felt and heard both connect as he quickly ducked away and pulled the blind fold off, body tensed for a fight at the same time he reached behind him and drew the dagger Elrohir had given him.

Aware of Aragorn's sudden movement Frodo pulled the blindfold up. The elves were staring in shock at the ranger, bows out but not notched.

"Stop!" a powerful feminime voice suddenly came out of nowhere. Frodo glanced frantically around but did not see anybody nor did anyone come out of the trees.

"My lady," Haldir dropped his bow to his side, followed a moment later by the rest of the elves.

For a moment more there was silence. "We will discuss this later. You will escort our guests,_ all_ our guests, to me immediately."

The march warden nodded, "as you wish." He turned to the Fellowship. "If you will follow me."

As he followed Haldir through the wondrous woods that were Lotholorien Legolas found his attention straying from the welcoming and protective warmth of the elven realm to Aragorn. The ranger was still incredibly tense. When Boromir laid a hand on his shoulder to quietly get his attention Aragorn had almost leapt away, his had straying to his back, where Legolas knew he kept Elrohir's knife. He had given the gondorian no more than a brief apolagetic glance before moving away, nearer to Frodo. An idea was trying to crawl its way to the front of his mind, a thought that he had refused to acknowlegde since he had first seen Estel after his turn and noticed the changes in him. With a quick shake of his head he shoved the thoughts away. Isildur's heir could not be trusted. He could not trust, not again. But as he turned his eyes back the wondrous woods he caught the almost unnoticeable shiver that went through Aragorn. He could not trust. Moving faster he caught up with Haldir, at the front of the company. He would not trust.

A/N sorry it took so long to get this out and about the abruptness of the ending, I wanted to take this chapter through Lothlorien, but decided I had better get this part out since it has been so long. I do intend to complete this story.


	8. 7

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR and I am making no money.

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Watching the Fellowship be led away Galaderiel found her eyes following the straight backed overly tense elven prince and the unusually shaken Isildur's heir. Elrond was right, the two of them had made no progress to heal their breech. Even worse the tension between them was increasing the tension within the Fellowship. Something needed to be done before they left Lothlorien.

Celeborn stepped closer. "You can not solve their problems for them." Galadriel did not look away from the stairway the Fellowship had disappeared down. "Perhaps not, but I can help them on their way." She turned her head to meet her husband's eyes. "For the sake of Middle-earth I have to try."

The elven lord laid a loving hand on her shoulder. "And you do not like to see young Estel in pain."

"No." She smiled softly. "I do not. He is a good man."

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Feeling the ragged edges of his control slipping Aragorn hurriedly saw everyone settled in the secure glen Galadriel had provided for the Fellowship for their stay. It was taking his utmost control to suppress his shudders. They were safe here, at least for a time. He would have to deal with these flashbacks. This time he was unable to stop the shudder that ripped through him before he locked down his control. He gave Frodo a reassuring smile. The ringbearer smiled back a little hesitatantly. Aragorn knew he had to come to terms with himself if he was to be any help the the hobbit. Once they reached Mordor the memories would come at him constantly. It was vital he had complete control before they reached that point. As he helped set-up camp he unobtrusively checked on the others. Sam was, not surprisingly, shadowing Frodo. Merry was busy distracting Pippin from asking inappropriate question. His tension eased down a notch. His mini-breakdown had not changed how the hobbits viewed him. Although Frodo seemed aware there was more to what had happened than he had admitted to, but the hobbit's trust in him had not wavered. The ranger felt himself strenthened by that trust. While naïve in many ways Frodo was not stupid and was fast becoming a good judge of character.

Steeling himself Aragorn's gaze moved to Boromir. The Gondorian's muscles were locked tight. He was truly uneasy, almost scared. The tales he had heard of the Golden Wood had been believed completely. Aragorn wanted to reach out and help him, but Boromir had never learned to trust him and his display back at the bridge had undone what little good he had managed to do during the journey so far. This did not bode well for Gondor's future. The line of stewared's was failing. If changes were not made and made soon the White City would fall. That was not something he could deal with now thought. First the Ring had to be unmade. Reluctantly he turned away.

As he turned he caught sight of Gimli. The dwarf had settled himself against a tree, deep in thought. Meeting Galadriel had given him more than enough to think about. Life altering ideas were never easy to accept. Reluctantly he looked away. Gimli tolerated and accepted him, little more. His help would not be welcomed.

As he turned to be sure the hobbits had settled his gaze caught Legolas' for a minute before he turned away. The elf's attention had hardly strayed from him since the bridge, but it was not the same anger filled feelings of betrayal and distrust that he usually felt when the prince watched him. This gaze had been- curious? Almost as though he was trying to see within Aragorn. It was a regard he had felt many times since he returned, often from Legolas himself. But this time the normal roiling emotions were not present. Now his probing seemed genuinely curious. The ranger forced himself to continue on to the hobbits. At any other time he would have been glad and relieved for the softening of the elf's attitude, but right now he was too raw to deal with anyone else's emotions and doubts. He was barely able to deal with his own at the moment. Once they were settled Aragorn left the clearing, aware that Legolas and Boromir watched him go, while the hobbits slept on and Gimli remained deep in his own thoughts.

Quickly moving to Arwen's favorite clearing he sank down at the pond's edge, allowing his thoughts to roam. The peace of Lothlorien filled him, but underneath that peace he was aware of his roiling emotions. Haldir's actions had pulled his memories of that last day in Mordor closer to the surface than they had ever been before. His breathing grew ragged as he pulled his knees to his chest, holding them tight. It was time for him to face that day. Determinedly he forced his breathing to even out. Memories and the feeling of helplessness washed through him. Clenching his arms tightly Aragorn forced himself to be calm. It was over. The memories only had power over him because he allowed it. By the time he was through the flashback he was panting with tears flowing freely, but he had made it. For the first time since it had happened he had managed to relive the entire rape, and he was not broken. Shaken and battered, but sane. Slowly uncurling he took a few deep breaths. He could do this, face his past and survive. For the first time in years he felt hope. Dropping his head back to his knees he allowed the tears to continue. But these were cleansing tears, not soul scouring. He was not better, not by a long shot, but he would be. Relief and lightness filled him. His life would be his own again.

Slowly regaining his equilibrium Aragorn shifted his attention outward, allowing the peace of Lothlorien to once again fill him. As his senses once again took in his surroundings he realized he was not alone. He took a few more moments to regain complete control before turning to face the invader. The he took a few moments more to suppress his anger. Most elves would have continued on their way, giving him his preferred privacy as soon as they sensed his roiling, dark emotions. Then he waited a few minutes more, staring at the moonlight reflected on the pond, hoping the silent watcher would leave. He was too raw to deal with someone's curiosity. He needed more time to pull himself together, to better deal with what he was finally making himself face. The presence did not move. With a quick shake of his head Aragorn again needed to center himself again, before rising and turning to face his watcher. His jaw dropped in amazement. "Legolas?"

The elven prince was leaning, silently, on a tree at the edge of the clearing. He was not even sure why he had followed the ranger. All he knew was that he could not forget the look of outright terror he had glimpsed on Aragorn's face at the clearing. It was an expression he had never thought to see on the self-possessed and confident human. When the ranger left the Fellowship he could not resist following. There were cracks appearing in the wall of distrust he had built up against his former friend and he realized he needed to either let it go completely or rebuild it to be unbreakable. Things could not continue as they were. After years of running from that day it was finally time to face himself and Isildur's heir.

He had not been surprised Aragorn had gone to a privae glen. The ranger had been in Lothlorien several times and would be familiar with where to go for privacy. Few elves would intrude once they sensed a desire to be alone and find one's place in Middle-earth. Legolas himself felt no such compunction. Isildur's heir had given up any rights to privacy when he had willingly become Sauron's consort. The usual uncontrollable emotions welled up in him at that thought. Force of habit made him quickly suppress the violent, unrecognized emotions. To have allowed them reign during their journey would have been deadly and caused Frodo to distrust him even more.

That was something else the elf found himself unable to understand. The Ringbearer's complete trust in Aragorn despite knowing what he had been. Elrond, Elrohir, Gandalf, and Arwen were easy to understand: they were influenced by the memories of the boy and young man he had once been. Gimli was simply contrary to the elf's viewpoint and Boromir was drawn to the only other human in their company, although he could not fully give his trust either. But Frodo, he simply trusted. Even more than Gandalf he loooked to Aragorn for protection. Gandalf had been guidance, but the ranger was his chosen protector. And since he had foolishly done little to hide his distrust of the ranger Frodo had taken to staying as far from Legolas as he could. And that bothered him as much as Frodo's trust in the Dark Lord's consort. He was an elven prince and plenty old enough to be able to control his emotions. Yet when it came to Aragorn he had not even the semblance of control. And that was why he knew it was time to confront Aragorn. He had to find peace with himself. Fear, quickly suppressed, tried to overwhelm him. It was past time.

As he started to step forward Aragorn sank to the ground. Legolas found himself frozen in place, taken back to another time. It was one he had seen the young Estel adopt only twice, in times of great emotional distress. He watched the human silently fall apart and slowly put himself back together. When he turned Legolas was almost surprised. For several tension filled moments they simply stared at each other. Finally Legolas forced himslef to pull his thoughts together. Estel was the one human who could out wait an elf. "Aragorn."

The ranger nodded once in acknowledgement. "Is there something I can assist you with?" His tone and formality showed all the diplomatic training a son of Elrond would have been raised with. There was nothing personal given away.

His utter calm set something loose deep within Legolas. Isildur's hier had no right to be so calm after what he had done and been."No. Just keeping an eye on the Dark Lord's Consort." He kept his voice cold and mocking. "After all he did attack Lothlorien's marchwarden."

Coldness seemed to wrap around Aragorn as his eyes turned to ice. "You know nothing."

Legolas felt himself freeze. This was his opening. He could have all the questions he had not dared even think answered. Looking at his one time best friend he was tempted. Everything inside him suddenly froze. This was not his best friend. He was facing the Dark Lord's Consort. "What do I need to know? You gave up your life to sleep with the enemy."

For a moment Aragorn's shoulders slumped before he visibly regained control of himself. "Of course that is all you can see. This conversation is over." He turned and walked away."

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Emotionally numb Legolas watched Aragorn storm away. He resisted the urge to follow. Aragorn's words kept running through his head. 'Of course that is all you see' Of course that was what he saw. The human had made his own bed, it was not Legolas' fault he had allowed himself to betray everything Isildur's heir was supposed to be. It was **not** his fault. It was Aragorn who had to prove himself. He was not at fault and he owed Aragorn nothing.

"You have to come to terms with your own feelings before you can settle things with Isildur's heir."

Surprised at being caught off-guard Legolas whirled around to see Galadriel behind him. "What?"

Smiling sadly Galadriel moved to the pond, stopping almost exactly where Aragorn had been sitting. "Aragorn does have much to come to terms with, but it is not his responsibility to ease your mind. You have to come to terms with the decision you made."

"I-"

Galadriel held up a hand, commanding silence and his attention. "You need to come to terms with your actions before you can make any kind of peace with Aragorn. And you do need to make peace for both of your sakes. At this point it does not matter if you reform your friendship, but for the sake of Middle-earth you must make peace with each other. You both need this and the tension between the two of you is disrupting the quest to destroy the One Ring." Stepping closer she caught and held his eyes, demanding obedience. "Make your peace."

Legolas did not watch her leave. Her words had only reinforced his own feelings. Trouble was he had no idea how to accomplish his task. Wearily he walked to the pond and sank down. It was going to be a long night, a long few days or more.

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Still struggling to regain his equilibrium after his confrontation with Legolas Aragorn wandered toward the Fellowship's camp. How was he ever going to get beyond Mordor if it kept being thrown back at him? Perhaps that was what it would take. To move beyond his own doubts and be able to dismiss the doubts of others. Once he had trusted himself and his judgement, maybe it was time he focused on regaining that clarity and belief. Even if it meant confronting his feelings for Sauron. The emotions he had refused to confront since he had been freed or even from farther back, from his years in Mordor. It was past time to stop hiding. Tonight he had faced the physical now it was time to face the emotional. He could do this.

By reflex he checked on his travelling companions as he stepped into camp. All four hobbits were still asleep. Frodo less restless than normal. Gimli was snoring next to a tree. Of Boromir there was no sign. His bedroll was spread out, but untouched. For a moment Aragorn closed his eyes. Bed was calling. He was exhausted. Exhausted beyond the physical. The memories had drained him more than the entire journey so far. But he could not leave Boromir alone and confused if he could help it. Moving around the edge of the clearing he moved to a nearby clearing with a fallen tree. The Gondorian would not have wandered far and this was the closest place. Boromir was seated on the log, staring up at the stars. Unsure what to say, or even if his presence would be accepted Aragorn walked over and sat down beside him, saying nothing.

"I miss the White city, the banners flying in the dawn." For a moment he glanced at Aragorn before his gaze moved back to the sky. "Have you ever seen the White city?"

Aragorn smiled, softly. "Long ago. But it still calls to me. Some nights I dream of it."

Boromir turned a surprised and appraising gaze on him. "You mean that."

Not breaking eye contact Aragorn nodded. "The land calls to me just as Eriador does."

"And Mordor?"

Looking away Aragorn gave the question the thought it deserved. "No," he finally replied. "Mordor was painful. The entire time I was there there was a hole in my soul. The people, them I learned to care about. But no matter what I did or the changes I tried to make, the land repelled me. It was not my heritage."

"But you were there for more than a decade."

His eyes moving up to the stars Aragorn shrugged, but his voice was far from light. "I gave my word."

Boromir said nothing to that, know there was nothing to say. Faramir had been right. This was a man easy to follow. But Boromir did not know if he could follow. He was trained to lead. He was heir to the Stewardship of Gondor.


	9. 8

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR and am making no money.

A/N: This fic has not been abandoned I have just been struggling with it and a case of writer's block.

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Legolas sat in a tree a short distance from the Fellowship's camp. Sleep was eluding him. Try as he might he could not get Galadriel's words, his arguement with Aragorn, or Aragorn's brief flinch and flash of fear at the bridge out of his mind. And he would rather have those memories than the ones that were hiding just behind them: the night Aragorn had betrayed all they believed in and fought for. Unable to help himself his eyes moved to Isildur's heir. He was wrapped in his blanket, curled into a tight ball. Another change. As a boy and even a young man Estel had seldom felt the need to curl in on himself, no matter the circumstance. As though he felt the eyes on him Aragorn curled tighter and seemed to start waking. Hurriedly Legolas looked away, he was not ready to face the confrontation he knew was long overdue. But first, Galadriel was right, he had to face himself and his own actions that long ago day. Until he faced his own actions he could not expect to deal with or accept Aragorn's. The only problem was he had not allowed himself to think about that biting Mordor morning when his life had fallen apart. Fallen apart? The thought took him unaware. His life had gone on as normal once he returned aside from the biting anger at the betrayal of Isildur's heir, hadn't it? Not ready to look closer at the idea he jumped restlessly from the tree, moving quickly to the Fellowship's camp. To his surprise the only one left was Gimli. Legoals froze, but after a moment forced himself to move forward. Better the dwarf than his thoughts. " Lady Galadriel's invitation to make ourselves at home included you."

Gimli barely glanced at him, eyes still watching the woods, with a faint hint of longing.

"I wanted to explore, would you care to accompany me?" The invitation was easier to extend than he had expected.

The dwarf nodded once. "Fine. Lead the way."

The next few hours were spent looking around the area surrounding the campsite. They said little but there was a surprising lack of tension between them. Legolas found himself watching Gimli's often surprised and awed reactions with wonder. He had never before seen an outsiders true reaction to elven lands. Estel and his rangers did not count, they travelled often to the elven lands. Unbidden the momeory of Estel's first trip to MIrkwood flashed before him. The child had been no more than ten at the time, accompanying Elrond to a conference of the elven leaders. Much to his disgust Legolas had found himself assigned to watch over the human child. It had been a surprisingly enlightening experience. The boy had been full of curious questions and comments about the difference between the two elven lands and what he had observed of Lothlorien. Legolas had found himself wanting to visit Rivendell again, it had been more than a century since he had been. When he had made his much anticipated visit Estel had been waiting for him, to act as his guide. It had been the start of a surprising and fulfilling friendship. At least until- With effort he stopped those thoughts. Feelings of betrayal had no place in this peaceful land.

"Elf, be careful of that tree."

Gimli's deep voice pulled him out of his darkening thoughts just in time for him to avoid walking into a tree. Walking into a tree! He was an elf, that was unacceptable. But over the years Estel had caused him to do many unexpected things. "Forgive me, my thoughts wandered."

Gimli shrugged, leaning against a tree. "Elves are known for their flights of fancy."

The tone was not sarcastic or mocking, simply stating a fact, but Legolas felt he had to respond. "That is not so. We simply have more time to ponder than the other races."

"Yet still things are most often black or white. You are an elf or you are not. You are good or not. Gray is not a color that sits well with elves."

Legolas found himself wanting to argue, but unable to deny the words. They were a vast simplification, but had a basis in truth. Was that how _he_ judged the world? He did not want it to be. There had been many times when he had been younger that he had wished his elders could open their minds to all the possibilities. The other races had their good points and worthy contributions. Once again he stopped as a thought ocurred to him. Had he turned into one of those hidebound elves? unable to take a step back and look at circumstances from all sides? He stopped dead in his tracks. He was, at least in terms of Aragorn.

Gimli stopped as well and turned back to face him. "It is late. I am going to return for lunch before the hobbits eat everything."

The stunned elf could only nod. "I think I will stay here. I have some thinking to do."

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It was past dinner hour when Legolas returned to the camp. The hobbits were still happily stuffing themselves while Gimli was sharpening his axe against a tree and Boromir was staring moodily into the surrounding woods. Aragorn was in his usual position beside Frodo, but he was paying little attention to what was going on around him. Legolas knew he had to talk to Aragorn but decided to wait until the ranger was alone. He had no idea how this discussion would go. Quietly he sat down at the end of the table. Pippin immediately began bombarding him with questions about Lothlorien. The youngest hobbit was the freindliest to him. Frodo was clinging to tightly to Aragorn and Sam was following his lead. Merry seemed the most impartial of all he was freindly with Legolas but clearly trusted Aragorn. Deep in thought he looked down at his food. The hobbits may be a simple people but they were not stupid and Merry and Frodo especially seemed to be good judges of character and of their enviroment. Both trusted the ranger. This talk was long overdue.

Frodo watched Legolas and Aragorn out of the corner of his eye. The elf was looking speculative. Maybe he was finally going to stop looking through Aragorn and see who the ranger actually was. That would be a relief. Dismissing the elf from his mind he turned his attention to Aragorn. The human was staring into the woods, his dinner was barely touched. Ever since Haldir and the mishap at the bridge the ranger had been quiet and withdrawn. Whenever he was not present for the hobbits he had vanished. "Aragorn can we talk?"

The ranger visibly pulled himself back to the moment. "Of course."

Signalling Sam to stay Frodo led Aragorn to the edge of the clearing-in sight of, but out of earshot of the rest of the Fellowship. He waited until Aragorn knelt down to put them at eye level as was his custom when he spoke with any of the hobbits. Never with the dwarf though, he realized. Then again Gimli would probably take offense where as the hobbits enjoyed the respite from constantly looking up. "We are safe here. You do not have to keep watch over us."

Aragorn smiled at him. "Are you sure. I do not mind, I have sworn to protect you."

"We are safe here, or as safe as we are anywhere."

With a bow of his head Aragorn rose and left the clearing.

Frodo returned to the table and took another helping of dessert. He met Merry's raised eyebrow but neither said a word. It was only as he finished his thrid dessert that Frodo realized that Legolas had left as well. Sam leaned close to him. "I hope you did the right thing."

His eyes going to the woods Frodo agreed. "Me too."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Aragorn did not turn from the pond when he felt Legolas enter the clearing. He had been expecting his former best friend. As much as a part of him wanted to flee the clearing and this confrontation he was simply too tired. He had started to deal with his past in Mordor, now it was time to actively face his past in Eriador. "What do you want?"

Legolas stopped at the edge of the clearing. Exhaustion was emanating from the human. Part of him wanted to flee, this was not something Aragorn was able to face. No, he forced himself to be honest, he was not ready to face this, but he had to. These foreign emotions were slowly destroying him and had already all but destroyed any trust the Ringbearer could have had in him. He was not surprised when Aragorn spoke. Little got past the ranger, even when he was not at his best. "We need-" he paused a moment. "I would like to talk to you."

Slowly the ranger turned, his surprise evident. "What do you want to talk about? I am not up to an argument."

Taking a deep breath Legolas moved over beside Aragorn and sat down, careful to keep to the distance Estel had shown himself to be comfortable with. "I do not want to argue either. I am tired of being angry."

Still not looking away from the pond the human replied. "I do not know if I can help you. I can not change the past and I will not be your stress relief target in the present."

His own eyes moving to the stillness of the pond Legolas said nothing for a few minutes, trying to figure out what to say. "This tension between us needs to be dealt with."

For the first time in a long time Aragorn turned to face Legolas, who found himself compelled to meet the human's eyes. "'This 'tension' is not something I can help you with. You have set the terms of our interaction since I returned North."

Unable to dispute this Legolas forced himself not to look away. "You let me."

"I know." At those simple words he looked away, eyes distant. "When I first returned North I did not feel I deserved anything. Not trust or forgiveness. I had let down the people that believed in me and trusted me. I left myself open to one I knew I could not trust." He pulled his knees to his chest wrapping his arms around them. "I could not believe it when the Rangers wanted me back, wanted me to resume my position." He was silent for a moment. "I had to redefine myself and become comfortable with how I had changed. It is not easy."

"It shouldn't have happened," was Legolas' immediate response. "It should not have happened."

Aragorn lay back on the grass, staring up at the stars. "It happened. There is no use denying it or running from it. All you can do is deal with it, or avoid dealing with it. But it will not go away."

Legolas turned to glare at the ranger, not angry at him but needing to lash out. "It should not have happened!"

Gaze still on the stars Aragorn shrugged. "It did. I have accepted what happened and what I did not stop from happening." Once again his gaze turned to Legolas. "It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do."

"I do not want to accept it."

Eyes closing Aragorn closed his eyes. "Then you are not ready for this conversation. I can not absolve you of your guilt, nor will I remain a target of your unwarranted anger."

"Unwarranted? Guilt?" Emotions stronger than he was used to assaulted him. "I- You-" Legolas stopped unable to even speak over the emotions that were flooding him. "I do not owe you anything!"

Eyes still closed Aragorn shrugged. "I have not asked anything of you. I made my decisions for good or ill. Now I live with consequances." His eyes opened and sought Legolas'. "If I had to decide again, even knowing what I know now, my decision to stay would stand." He moved his eyes back to the stars. He had gone as far as he could. The ball was still in Legolas' court.

The elf sat there, frozen for a moment. He did not care! After all this time he saw nothing wrong with what had happened. "You would choose again?" he demanded angrily. "Do you even care what we would have wanted? What you left behind?" He paused, trying to quell his roiling emotions. "You were the Hope of Men."

The laugh his words got was half bitter. "Hope of men, but no hope for me. Besides," he folded his arms under his head, "that is not what is bothering you."

"You do not know what is bothering me! You do not know me."

Wearily the body beside him sagged. "No. I begin to wonder if I ever did." Deep sorrow tinged his voice as he turned his head to face Legolas. "I wonder if you ever truly trusted me."

"I trusted Isildur's heir until he betrayed all he believed in!"

Rolling his eyes in frustration and sorrow Aragorn looked away again. "How did I betray the North?"

Aragorn could almost feel the scornful look Legolas threw at him. "You were the consort of darkness. You lived and ruled there for more than a decade."

Focusing on keeping calm it was a few moments before Aragorn could answer. "I betrayed no one except, possibly myself and Arwen. And we have already begun to work it out. She understands what was behind the deal and my reasons for accepting."

"To save your stupid best friend and brothers who could not be bothered to listen to Lord Elrond and only endangered you further."

Really not wanting to say what came next Aragorn pushed himself to a sitting position and faced Legolas. He would not allow himself to look away. "I am too weary to sit here and debate this all night so I will lay it out for you. What you choose to do with the information is up to you." He held up a hand when Legolas made to interrupt. "Not a word until I am finished. First I did not betray the North, nor did Sauron attempt to trick me into it. Proof of this lays in the fact that all three elven lands and the ranger's hideaways still exist and have not been in hard war. I was raised as Lord Elrond's son and am the ranger chieftain. The elven lands may not have been destroyed but they would have been severely damaged if I had given Sauron the North. Second, in a way you made what I faced in Mordor easier. If Sauron had not set the trap to bring the three of you to Mordor, and it was a carefully laid trap, he would not have let me go. And the Dark Lord's patience would not have lasted forever. Third he did not want my knowledge, not that he would have turned it away, but he wanted me. And not as a body to warm his bed, or not only as that. He wanted a partner. Sauron wanted someone he could trust not to betray him. Fourth I went out of my way to remain oblivious to military matters. My word bound me and I could not take the chance I would betray the North by a careless slip or trust myself to remain out of the war if I knew the Dark Lord's plans. Fifth I did fill the role of ruling consort. All internal affairs were left to me and I did my best for the innocents trapped in that dark land and managed to extend my protection to innocents caught in battles that were not of Mordor. The only ones I betrayed, possibly, are those innocents when I left for my own sanity and myself for forgetting that I was in an enemy's land." Despite the fact that he had not looked away from Legolas Aragorn could not see the elf's reactions. He was deep in his memories. Seeing again that burned land, feeling the foul air as he sat on a ledge outside a bedroom window, something in him shattered. Shattered and bleeding. Wanting only for it to go away, to not be real. Involuntarily he wrapped his arms around himself pulling his legs in tight. He could sympathize with Elladan's inability to accept the reality of what had happened, although he did not like it and it hurt him intensely that Elladan could not, or would not, see past his own bias. With effort he forced himself back to the present. Elladan he could deal with when and if he saw him again, Legolas was his concern right now. "That is my reality. I will listen to what is your reality, but I will not be treated like something filthy and beneath you. I will not be someone you take your unresolved emotions out on," He rose, brushing off his pants. "If you want to regain anything that we lost or even if you just want to continue on this quest you have to find a balance that does not inculde insulting and ignoring me. The Dark Lord can not be allowed to take the One Ring." He stopped, waiting for Legolas to speak. The elf was just watching him, eyes and expression unreadable. Wearily he brushed his hair back. "Let me, or one of the others know when you figure it out." He walked into the clearing, feeling Legolas' eyes on him until he was out of sight.

For his part Legolas stayed still in the clearing. He knew he should go after Aragorn, things between them were far from resolved and he had not got his say. Not that he knew what to say. Aragorn was so precise in his words, only the distance in his eyes betraying the pain hidden behind his mask. The mask his travels had forced to become perfect camoflauge to who Aragorn truly was. Only someone who knew him very well, or had once knew him well could have seen it. Or maybe he only allowed that hint of vulnerability to people he trusted.

That thought caught him up, Did Aragorn trust him? Once he had and Legolas had returned that trust full measure. Then why was he so quick to judge, to distance himself? Did he still trust? Could it truly be broken down into cold facts? Slowly Legolas moved back to the lake's edge. It was going to be another long night. He needed to respond to Aragorn's points. He needed to resolve himself.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

A/N: a short chapter I know but I am trying to get back into the habit of writing and this part of the story is not coming easily


	10. 9

A/N: I do not own LOTR and am making no money

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It was time to leave. The knowledge sat heavily on the Fellowship. They all felt the pull of their quest. One more night they would have and on the morrow they would have to leave the haven of Lothlorien.

Legolas sat in his usual perch in the tree at the border of the Fellowship's camp. He was again watching Aragorn. Despite his best efforts he had not been able to come to terms with his former best friend. The captain of the rangers had maintained his distance since their last conversation. The next move was up to him. Only with great effort was he able to remain seated in his frustration. This was not right. He was an elf! He should be able to face this and move beyond it. For Aragorn was correct, the relationship between them could not remain so tense. Not only was it bad for the Fellowship but it was playing havoc with his emotions and undermining Aragorn. The prince of Mirkwood just wished the actual solution was as simple as deciding a solution was needed.

.

As soon as the evening meal was completed Aragorn left the camp. Taking and releasing a breath Legolas followed. He knew the ranger was going back to the pond. He had spent hours at that spot. Soundlessly dropping from the tree Legolas moved to stand beside the ranger, who was staring into the calm water.

"I was wondering if you would come," was the unsurprised comment the elf's presence caused.

Not sure what to say now that he was here Legolas remained silent. He knew they had to make peace, but could not figure out how. "The hobbits will miss this place." The comment surprised him as soon as he spoke it. It had nothing to do with the pressing matter at hand, and Legolas had always prided himself on dealing with problems head on, not ignoring them and hoping they will just go away. He suddenly realized that that was what he had been doing ever since word had reached him the Aragorn had returned North. No, he corrected himself, it had been going on ever since Aragorn had traded his freedom for Legolas's life. Almost overcome by the pain of this revelation and all the feelings his anger and distrust had kept hidden Legolas sank to the ground, overwhelmed by the pain and despair and guilt flowing through him. How could he have left his best friend in that horrible place? How could he have caused the Hope of Man to bind himself to evil incarnate? It was his fault, _He_ had been desperate to go after Aragorn, _he_ had decided to go alone if necessary. How could he? Whatever had happened to Aragorn, whatever he had done, it was all Legolas' fault!

When he again became aware of his surroundings Legolas found himself sitting on the ground, with his legs pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around them. He looked up to see Aragorn crouching in front of him. The ranger was close, but not touching him. His expression was shuttered with only a faint hint of curiousity. "Are you alright?"

Ignoring the question Legolas forced himself to uncurl. He felt hollow and tired, but he would not huddle like an elfling barely past infancy. He was an elven warrior and would not hide from reality, no matter how dreadful it was. "No," he answered truthfully. "I am so sorry."

Aragorn cocked his head to the side, but did not move closer, nor did he move to comfort. "For what?"

Legolas almost laughed at the question. What was he sorry for? "Your time in Mordor, how I have treated you since your return, I don't even know."

After a moment of holding Legolas' eyes Aragorn sat down beside him. "Do you know why Pippin is afraid of me?"

Unsure what this had to do with anything Legolas shook his head. He had not thought about it, at least not beyond thinking the youngest hobbit was showing the most sense. A thought that bothered him now.

"He is young still. The world is still black and white. Even this quest has not shown him otherwise, it is even reinforcing that belief. There are the good guys and the bad guys and no middle ground. I do not fit with the good guys, I did spend time in Mordor with the Dark Lord, so I must be one of the bad guys. My actions may show me to be on the good side, but that does not change the fact that I did side with the bad guys, hence I must be a bad guy inside, despite my behaviour to the contrary."

In spite of himself Legolas felt himself getting angry. "I am not an elfling, nor do I think the world is black and white."

Aragorn ignored his outburst. "Now Merry on the other hand has reached his majority and can see the areas in between better. He has still been sheltered from much of the evil of the world, but he judges me strictly on my actions. I have protected them and been truthful with them. It does not matter what I have done in the past, what matters is what I am now. Neither one knew me before Mordor so can not judge based on past history or feelings."

"What of Frodo and Sam?" Legolas was not sure why he was continuing this discussion, it was not addressing the issues between he and Aragorn. Maybe he was hoping to find a way to reconcile his new knowledge with his older feelings. Or maybe he was just hoping to put off the impending, necessary conversation as long as possible.

"Sam trusts Frodo and he trusts himself to look after Frodo. The rest of us are all peripherals, not to be completely trusted. Gandalf he trusted most as he had a respect and awe of the wizard. Merry and Pippin were next in most trusted except that they were not serious enough or reliable enough to be trusted to look after Frodo without getting sidetracked. The rest of us are here and he will trust Frodo's judgement." He was silent for a few moments. "Frodo is harder. He sees deeper than he suspects and acts on that knowledge without realizing why he does so."

Legolas leaned back on his arms, feeling some of his confusion and mental discomfort fading into the background. He had always enjoyed listening as Estel reasoned things out. "What of Boromir, or Gimli?"

The ranger remained sitting straight up,staring out at the pond. "Boromir is torn between what his heart tells him and what his head insists is correct. He will find no contentment or ease until he can make a decision. Gimli is harder. He has a dwarf's natural distrust for other races but is very open minded for his race. He had no pre-conceived notions about me, or the Fellowship, so takes things as they are."

Feeling his tension mount again Legolas sat up, watching Aragorn closely as he asked his next question. "What of your elven family and," here he swallowed hard, "me?"

Closing his eyes Aragorn pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly about them. "Elrond," he hesitated. "Ada sees me as his son and the fears I have carried since my release and the changes within me, but he loves me with a father's accepting love. Arwen, what we share I shall not speak of. Elrohir is eaten by guilt undealt with but he refuses to allow himself to take his perceived failings out on me. He realizes what is likely to come to pass and will not allow the past to destroy our present and he will not count on the future as a place to settle differences and doubts. Elladan," here Aragorn shuddered. "Elladan does not want to accept the past, he will not accept what I was while in Mordor. The mind, body, and soul are inexplicably bound up in him, so he can not accept or tolerate my relationship with Sauron. As long as those feelings remain he will never be able to accept me again as his little brother."

His own eyes moving to stare at the still pond, Legolas commented. "You did not mention me."

"Do you truly want to hear?"

For a moment Legolas was silent, thinking. "You always had a way of seeing into the heart of the matter. Valar knows I have not managed it."

A small snort of mirth or disbelief came from beside him. "I used to have that judgement. It is a hard road learning to trust myself and my feelings again. I do not know if I will ever have that ability again."

"You already do, " Legolas stated. "Otherwise you would not be able to comprehend the information you just have."

The human shrugged. "That is simply understanding people."

"Which most thinking beings can not do, or do not take the time to do." He turned to face the ranger, gazing at his profile. For the first time really looking at the human. "You are different."

"It has been two plus decades, humans age and change, even those with numenorean blood."

"No," Legolas stated decisively. "It is more than normal human aging, or numenorean aging. I have lived long enough and known enough humans and rangers to see what is normal. The changes within you are not. They are internal as well as external. You are not who you were before you were captured."

There was another snort, this one of definite amusement as Aragorn laid back and stared up at the stars. "I was not the same the first time I returned from the Angle, or when I returned from my journey to the Gondor, Rohan, and Harad. Humans change. It is part of who we are. Elves change as well, just slower, unless something forces unacceptable changes on them."

Wanting to turn on the Betrayer Legolas bit back his anger. How dare Sauron's consort question _his_ judgement. As the familiar anger began to overwhelm him a small part of Legolas was aware that Aragorn was watching him with a look of painful expectation and a sad smile. Breathing hard he turned away, staring into the pond. No. He was a civilized elf, he would listen to what the human had to say and not react as a hidebound elder who would not look at the world as it was, only as he wanted it to be or as the elves saw it. Other races were valuable and did often have a different perspective that was just as worthy as an elf's. He refused to accept that a part of himself did not believe that, or want to believe that. "You never spoke of my motivations, or the feelings behind them." The elven prince was quite proud of how calm his voice sounded. None of his roiling emotions came through. However a quick glance at the human ranger beside him showed that Aragorn was aware of them. The human was too perceptive for his own good. Determinedly he looked back at the pond.

"Do you really want to hear?"

With the greatest of efforts Legolas avoided snapping a reply. His emotions were trying to get away again. "Yes." He bit off the sarcastic comment that he wanted to add.

The ranger did not move from his reclining position. "You do not wish to deal with what happened. It is easier to blame everything on me."

In forced silence Legolas waited for him to go. "And?" he prompted after several silent minutes.

"And what?" Aragorn asked. "Everything stems from that one fact."

Legolas gave him a dirty look, feeling defeated. It was only with effort that he remained upright. "So, what do I do about it?"

Aragorn rose. "Deal with it. Accept it happened, that nothing can change it, and try to move beyond it." He started to walk away but stopped at the edge of the clearing. "I was far from the only one hurt by this. Sometimes I think the hurt those who cared for me took was as bad as, or worse than, my hurt."

Legolas was left staring at the pond. After a few minutes he turned his attention inward. He could almost see a wall in his mind that separated his time before the failed rescue in Mordor from the time after. Taking a deep breath he reached for the wall and pushed it away. He almost cried out at the agony hidden behind it. Forcing slow, deep breaths he delved into the suppressed thoughts and feelings as agony overtook him.


End file.
